Memoir #26 "you may just take the bait"

So I came upon another way to help orphan children although there is a small catch...you may just fall in love and decide to keep the child =D

There are a few projects out there where you can sponsor a child (usually age 4-12) to come and spend 3-4 weeks with your family and have the vacation of a lifetime.  This could be during Summer or Christmas vacation or during the year if one of you stays at home (or has a lot of vacation days to use up).

This is a way to give an orphan child an amazing experience and it's a temporary thing.  What's cool is that some of the organizations involved will actually deduct the cost you spend on the sponsorship (about $3000-$5000) from your adoption cost if you decide to go through and adopt the child.

That is a great deal if you know how much an international adoption usually costs...$15,000-$40,000.  Also, it allows you to get to know the child and the child gets to know your family before you take the plunge into adoption.

So I started telling my hubby (and I'm always very enthusiastic about a new idea) and he says "are we really ready to adopt a little Columbian boy right now you think?"

I said no, not us ; )  but someone is =D  They just need to know about it!!!

Such a neat idea though!  If you are interested in some more information about how you can sponsor a child for a vacation of a lifetime please let me know and I will forward you the details!

Blessings!

Memoir #25 "Quick prayer request"

In one week we have our progress hearing for our second foster daughter and this will tell a lot.  I know the bio-mom is doing pretty good actually and so that is a good thing.  But, what I also know is that she typically can do "good" for short periods of time and then fall off the wagon in a heartbeat.  I also know that she makes bad choices and doesn't have good parenting skills.  She is selfish and already looking for a new boyfriend and is dating. When she does get money from somewhere she immediately blows it. She flies off the handle and has very serious mental illnesses that are being "controlled" by medication.  She has been on drugs more than off them in her adult life.  She plans to move back to the crazy house which is still as crazy as it was when DD was removed.  She can't keep a steady job but she will qualifiy for welfare once she has DD back.  None of the above really matters in the Judge's decision because our Constitution gives parents the fundamental right to parent their child and the case worker said it best, "these are the lowest standards I have ever seen in my life.  These people basically just have to be off heavy drugs and they can get their kids back".  The previous worker also said, "I have yet to put a foster child back with their bio parents and feel good aout it."

Hmmm...so, I am restless.  I am sort of proud of bio-mom, I really am.  She has actually accomplished more than I thought she could.  But I don't believe DD will be safe living with bio-mom for a long time... = /

What can we do??? PRAY

I have said from the beginning, if this will help bio-mom become the person God intended her to be on this earth and she can maintain it and care for DD then that is awesome and I have no problem with putting DD back with her.  PRAY that this is true and that bio-mom can maintain a clean & safe life for DD!

If bio-mom can't, PRAY that DD doesn't have to go back even for a few months only to be removed again and have her life altered drasically once again.  PRAY for no more psychological damage to DD.

If bio-mom can't, and DD does have to go back with her, PRAY that DD will be safe and happy =D

PRAY for this judge to see clearly.

PRAY for our family in the adjustment that will be made either way and the decisions that will need to be made pretty quickly here in whether we keep her longer or put her with a different foster family closer to bio-mom's residence.

Thanks in advance to all of you who say a prayer for DD today!!!

1 Kings 8:28  Nevertheless, listen to my prayer and my plea, O Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is making to you today.

Memoir #24 "what can I do?"

Good Morning!

So I got to thinking, if I blogged about every injustice that I come across in the Child Welfare System (CWS) during this journey I would be blogging daily for one thing and it would just be really discouraging.

I have decided to put my focus toward what I can do to help and how we can begin to change the system one child, case, or state at at time.

Soon I will be starting an organization and I have no idea what it will be or what it will really entail but it will be something that works to fight these injustices so stay tuned =D

In the meantime, I think a lot of people want to help orphan children but they know they personally cannot adopt or foster right now so what are some ways to help out?  Here are just a few:

1. Pray - Pray for all these children, domestically and globally.  Pray for their strength and for their protection.  Pray for their broken hearts and for their salvation.  Also, pray for all those who God has called to foster and to adopt and to care for refugees.  Pray for their endurance and their strength.  Pray for their peace and for their smooth adjustment to the change in their lives.
2. Respite - Give those who have embarked on this journey a chance to rest and rejuvinate.  It's basically babysitting or making a meal for these families.  Taking on a new child is so rewarding but it is a period of stress and business for that family.  Also, many families take children who are difficult to love and care for and need special help.  These families become very weary and could use a little respite to relax and get their minds and hearts back to the place they need to be to do God's work.
3. Mentor - There are so many children who would love to go to a baseball game or have a lasting relationship with an adult that cares.  It's kind of like Big Brother/Sisters. 
4. Advocate - This is the hardest part but I will be organzing some ways to do this soon so keep following and I can give you more information in the days to come.  This includes writing and speaking with your congress people, your governor, your mayor.  This includes fundraisers and campaigns.

There are many more, these are just a few but if you would be interested in taking an active role in Orphan Advocacy (in any of the above areas) I can help you to begin.  I hope that you have a blessed week!

Psalm 10:18
You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them.

Memoir #23 "You have got to be kidding me"

This was an article I came upon in the Michigan Messenger for your reading pleasure.  This is absolutely outrageous!!!

Foster children would be allowed to get clothing only from second hand stores

By Todd A. Heywood | 04.22.11 | 11:40 am

• Under a new budget proposal from State Sen. Bruce Casswell, children in the state’s foster care system would be allowed to purchase clothing only in used clothing stores.
  
  Casswell, a Republican representing Branch, Hillsdale, Lenawee and St. Joseph counties, made the proposal this week, reports Michigan Public Radio.

His explanation?

“I never had anything new,” Caswell says. “I got all the hand-me-downs. And my dad, he did a lot of shopping at the Salvation Army, and his comment was — and quite frankly it’s true — once you’re out of the store and you walk down the street, nobody knows where you bought your clothes.”

Under his plan, foster children would receive gift cards that could only be used at places like the Salvation Army, Goodwill and other second hand clothing stores.
The plan was knocked by the Michigan League for Human Services. Gilda Jacobs, executive director of the group, had this to say:

“Honestly, I was flabbergasted,” Jacobs says. “I really couldn’t believe this. Because I think, gosh, is this where we’ve gone in this state? I think that there’s the whole issue of dignity. You’re saying to somebody, you don’t deserve to go in and buy a new pair of gym shoes. You know, for a lot of foster kids, they already have so much stacked against them.”

Casswell says the plan will save the state money, though it isn’t clear how much the state spends on clothing for foster children or how much could be saved this way.

So basically, everyone who knows the child is in foster care would know that the child is wearing "Goodwill clothes"...outrageous!!!

Memoir #22 "Dancing in the minefields - a day of reflection"

For some of you the title sounds familiar and that is because I snagged this line from a song that I just adore by Andrew Peterson. He talks about a young couple that fell in love, jumped into a difficult journey together, and it is their dream come true because God holds them steady throughout. 
This is the chorus:

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

 

Check it out on Youtube - You Tube Dancing in the Minefields

 

So, yesterday marks the one year anniversary of beginning our journey into foster care and when I look back I feel like this was me -->

I really think I jumped off the cliff with both feet...never looking back.  Man, I didn't think I had it in me!  And on those tough days when I just cried and cried I didn't know if I had made the right choice. 

Standing here on the other side one year later I am just amazed at the power of God and how he blesses you ten fold and changes you when you really trust in him.

I am a new person now, one who is completely different than I was 1 year ago.  I will admit that before I was a success-seeker, I was very materialistic, and I was so proud of all that I had accomplished.

Now, my husband and I go to bed dreaming of a family of 13 living in a huge safe house for all of them.  We want to help lots of kids who are all different colors.  We want to ask them about their day everyday.  We want them to meet Jesus. We dream about changing the entire child welfare system in this country and making it better.  You may be saying "yeah right" but this is all the absolute truth.

On February 25, 2010 I turned 28 years old and I was about to have a Hummer, a gigantic engagement ring, the wedding of a lifetime and a trip to Miami to celebrate all that I had done over the last 8 years.  Afterall, only 3% of Americans go to med/law school and I deserve it.  It's funny when I look back but on the car ride home from the first court hearing on March 4th, 2010 I was crying because of all of the above that I realized I had just given-up not really wanting to.   And 3 months later, I would still be crying about it sometimes.  Now I look back and I think man, I was such a selfish idiot!!!  =D

The journey is definitely not easy but doing God's work seldom is easy, in fact, I have found it is just the opposite.  It is uncomfortable, it is stressful, and it is dirty.  It requires you to sacrifice your human wants and desires and it requires physical and emotional demands that will leave you weary.  The beautiful part of this is that when it comes to your soul, the yoke is easy and the burden is light!  My soul has never been in a better place than it is today.  I can say Lord, come now, come quickly because I am ready!

Today and tomorrow we reflect on the greatest sacrifice that was ever made and that was of Jesus Christ who suffered and died for us selflessly. May the God who is able to do more than we could ever imagine bless you today!

Blessings!

Memoir #21 "I definitely married the right guy"

I am involved in a pro bono thing where I help teenage kids in foster care with some legal stuff and yesterday I got to meet my first one.  Well, did you hear about the woman who works at the pound...she has 8 dogs!

As I'm driving home talking to my husband on the phone and telling him about how great these teens are and the program he actually says "we need a bigger house"...Are we going to adopt a 16 year old with dreams of entering the marines and just having someone to write letters to that cares about him???  Too early to tell but what I do know is that we definitely do need a bigger house!!!!!!!!!!!!

This experience has got me thinking though about an entirely different demographic than I have ever thought of before.  Our Foster care Licensor has in our file that we prefer to foster children ages 18 months to 7 years.  A lot of this is because our almost-adopted daughter is 3 and I think it just makes sense to have kids near the same age in a home practically speaking. 

The other thing is we are 28 & 30 years old.  I feel like I am just too young to be a parent to a teenager but then again, there are thousands of moms who are 28 and have 13-14 year old children.  Plus, we lead a youth group program for our church for the past 2 years and when we take the teens on a retreat for example, I've found that my "parenting" just naturally adapted to their age.  And the funny thing is, they really are still kids, just bigger ones =)

That's the tough part about the kids I see in the program I'm involved in and the overwhelming number of teenages in foster care.  A lot of them live in residential facilities and group homes and are basically learning to be somewhat self-sufficient so when they "age-out" of the system they can survive out there.

A smart young man told me that he just wants to have someone to ask him about his day, someone to make him supper, and a somewhere to go home to for Christmas.

Let's not forget the older  kids that have less and less hope of ever being adopted.  Maybe God is calling you to help a kid join ROTC or another branch of the military...maybe God is calling you to help a kid get into college...maybe God is calling you to add one more picture to your wallet and one more place setting to your dinner table =D

Then the Lord God called to the man...where are you??? Genesis 3:9

Blessings!

Memoir #20 "Pre-hearing Conference"

So tomorrow is the pre-hearing conference.  The notice that was sent to me from DHS said the majority of issues are resolved at this conference so keep your fingers crossed that all of mine can be =)

Still, if I need to go to a hearing I am all about it!  I will keep you posted and update this a little later.

Memoir #19 "Progress"

This week has been very uplifting because we have been making progress =D  YES, YES, YES!!!

    It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward =D

So, first, I had one of my dear foster daughters (DD) screened by Headstart and got some excellent feedback.  Headstart is a national program that was founded in MI in 1988 and its focus is on early childhood development through education, health, & family development.  It specializes in screening preschool-age children in a number of areas in order to assess their overall well-being and potential needs.  DD was assessed by a speech pathologist, a social worker, an occupational therapist, a child psycologist and one more (sorry I forget her title).  The results were so enlightening and I haven't been this uplifted in a long time.  I definitely recommend this program to all those with a young child about age 2 and 1/2 to 5 if you haven't had it done already...even a little younger if you foresee some major potential difficulties.  It only took about an hour and it was done in my local school system.  I cannot reinterate enough just how uplifting, exciting, and comforting this was for me...awesome!!!

So on to the next bit of progress...someone from Kent County DHS called me back...oh yes, I couldn't believe it myself at first but yes, finally, I got someone with braincells and someone who "cared" or at least enough about their job to give a call back right?  Whatever, I'll take it!  "Lawyer letters" do work lol...not a real one like an "I'm going to sue you" letter, but one that lays out the facts, and why you are in the wrong, and the key --> CC the supervisor!  Man, this was the fastest turnaround I have seen in a long time...awesome!!!

So, with my one DD we have things figured out...the correct week and the correct amount etc.  In addition, I get my freaking hearing...the one I have asked for 4 times since October about my first DD's case...hooorrrayyy!!!  I know I am weird but I cannot wait for my administrative hearing, I am a litigation specialist afterall so bring it and bring it soon! 

Anyway, so much stress can wear you down but today I am looking at the progress...thank you Lord! Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress. Timothy 4:15

Blessings!

Memoir # 18 "the never-ending battle"

I think my new title for this blog should be "From a broken home, to a broken system, to a beautiful future...maybe" because that pretty much sums up my experience over the last year.  In 8 days, it will be my 1 year anniversary of entering this crazy world of foster/adoption and it seems like it's been more like 10!

So today I am going to vent about the never-ending battle that I am fighting within a broken system = (
The problems with the system are so unjust and they prejudice me significantly; but what really hurts is that they end up causing harm to the children stuck there!

Today we will talk about one "battle" [unfortunately I have been in about 5 with different parts of the government etc. but those will be for another day!]

Since September, the Department of Human Services (DHS) of KENT COUNTY, MI has been a monster to try to deal with in regards to Child Day Care benefits (CDC)...wow...I really want to scream at the top of my lungs right now because I do not think I have been blown-off, ignored, told incorrect information, waited patiently for a repsonse that never comes, been disappointed (and the list goes on) so much with one organization in my life!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I am not exaggerating...I think one would have better luck communicating with a collector from a credit card company that just started a week ago then working with these people!!!

And I understand all the excuses...trust me, I have heard them all..."...these people are paid pennies to do their jobs...just imagine the type of people they have to deal with on a daily basis who are trying to get as much money as they can in cash assistance etc...the system is broken and it is so costly and overwhelming to fix it that this is just the way it is..."

Well, it isn't good enough!

It isn't good enough for all these kids, it isn't good enough for all the foster parents, it isn't good enough for the adoptive parents, it isn't good enough for those who take in refugees, it isn't good enough for the family members, it isn't good enough for the workers themselves...it isn't good enough!!!

Now that I have vented and I regroup, I need to answer this question ---> How on earth do we fix it???

I am one of those people who love politics but not the rhetoric and propaganda...what are you Mr. Senator, going to actually do...meaning, what policy/programs are you going to implement to actually accomplish what you are saying in your blanket dialogue??? Hmm...good question and a great question proposed above.  I wish I had the answer but I don't right now.  If you have any ideas please comment.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask, or imagine!!!!!!! Ephesians 3:20

Blessings!

Memoir #17 "Terrible three and a halfs"

When I search for advice on how to handle crazy three-year-old behavior, more or less this is what I find...

"My angel is nearing 3 and a half and all of sudden she has become a terror..." etc.

The good news is, many people agree that for many kids, somewhere between 3 and 4 can be their worst behavior period of their childhood.

The funny part is that in my case I would never start that sentence with "my angel" =D 

Our first foster daughter really has had behavior problems from the beginning so there is no suprise there and she has just never been that introverted, complacent child that strives to please you.  I guess if I have anything going for me is this didn't just come out of the blue and I do have experience now in dealing with it.  The hard part is this round of behavior is frustrating because (and as people seem to agree with me online) nothing seems to work with her to change it.

A woman was describing a typical bad behavior of her son.  She gets him out of the car at the grocery store and a second later he darts across the parking lot.  She is screaming at him to stop and has to chase him all the while he is looking back at her laughing.  At least our daughter is good about situations where true danger is involved but she too will laugh at our punishments.  Or, she will do the behavior again 3 times right while you are standing there telling her to stop.  Or she will wait 2 minutes until you walk away and do the behavior again.  I also question if she is learning to not do the behavior because she is so impulsive.

According to a number of experts, this age is a time psychologically and physiologically trying on children and a lot of times they are left not knowing what to do with themselves.  I am glad for an explanation but it really doesn't eleviate my frustrations. 

A few things we are trying though are:

1, We present her with choices contantly so for example, getting ready in the morning is no longer "ok, let's brush your teeth"...it is "you have four things you need to do which are..., which one do you want to do first?"

2, There are 10 core behaviors we need to correct and keep in check so if those are broken she goes directly to time-out...do not pass go...the rest of the things are encouraged by rewards so I say "I would like it if you pick up your toys now and if you do you get a sticker"

3, Shorten everything...if you she hits we say "no hitting" and she goes in time-out.  That is it, end of story.  I used to try to explain because some expert said you need to "talk" to your kids so they know why they are in trouble and why the behavior is wrong etc.  Well, I will tell you that does not work.  I have tried and she is looking at me and it appears she is listening and when I get finished she will say "can I have two donuts?"...yeah, short and sweet is where it's at!

I'd love to hear your suggestions so don't be afraid to comment...just click on 0 comments (or whatever number will be before the word comments) at the bottom of this blog.

Blessings!

Memoir #16 "when opposites attract"

I really can't believe I'm onto Memoir # 16 already and today is also another landmark day because it has been 8 weeks since we got our second foster daughter!  I will take her to her 8th visit today and we only have about 17 more =D  Hmmm....I can't help but wonder what God's plan is for her regarding her forever home...will she be reunited with her bio-mom or will we adopt her or will another wonderful family hoping to add one more adopt her or will she be reunited and then taken back out of the home and put back with us or someone else???  A lot of uncertainty and some of which we have control over (such as we will have priority in adopting her if there is TPR - termination of parental rights or if reunification goes sour and she is returned to fostercare) but most of which we do not.  Either way she is doing great and she is blessing our family immensely!!!

Now, on to the opposites, it's funny how you can have two three-year-olds that are so different from one another, I mean these two are complete opposites in almost every way!  I could give example after example but today, it struck me when I was getting them dressed for "school".  I try to help Raya and she throws a fit and says "I can do it" and "Don't help me" whereas I have to encourage JJ over and over again to just try and take her pajamas off on her own...if only JJ would allow Raya to help her and if Raya would be willing to, I wouldn't have to worry about it =)

The good thing is even though they are opposites, they also love to play together and they will play and play and play which gives me a much needed break! =D

I am excited to see how our next childrens' personalities will be (but to clarify, excited but not that excited like let's go get two more next week lol).

Jesus loved children and he said "Let the little children come to me and do not stop them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these...and he took the little children into his arms and he blessed them." Matthew 10:14-16

Blessings!

Memoir # 15 "you're sitting on my barbie daddy"

So kids say the darndist things right...my hubby is helping the girls do something and I hear "you're sitting on my barbie daddy" lol and "can you help me put her dress on" haha...Daddy playing barbies =D

Anyway, I got to thinking, how exactly do you explain to your kids that they are adopted???

Really a lot of questions come to mind like what age is the right age and how much of their past do you tell them and is there a proper way to do it?

This can be quite a controversial topic and there are so many opinions on when the right time is and what you should say.  I have begun reading some books and asking others what their opinion is but to be honest, the answers have fallen short on advice of what is the right thing to do.  A lot of people seem to give this response  --> "do whatever is right for your family"...that is great and all but when I have a client coming in for legal advice, let's just say that is not my answer...otherwise I'd be out of a job, ha! 

So, I am still searching for the answer.  I can tell you what I am thinking as of now based on the limited research I have done and please feel free to comment and share your opinions and ideas =)

To start...which type of adoption is the best way to go???  There are three main categories.

Open adoption is the best for the child...at least research shows that children fare better mentally and emotionally when they know where they came from, why things happened the way they did, and they can find their true identity so to speak.  Sounds great right but how very difficult for the adoptive parents to facilitate and manage for life perhaps??? and for some it could be dangerous...something to consider.  Where do you draw the line and how do you walk the line?

Semi-open adoption is the next best thing for the child...it is sort of considered the best of both worlds and it does give a family a lot of flexibility in the decision about how much interaction the adoptive parents want to have with the biological parents.  There is a whole spectrum from sending photographs to allowing a set amount of supervised visits per year with bio-family members such as grandparents.

Closed adoption is the hardest thing for the child...apparantly children struggle the most in this case because they tend to have identity issues and they spend their most "tender of years" with unanswered questions and gaping holes in their identities and their hearts.  This is the historical American approach though and often times it is the only option (for example many international adoptions).

These three approaches really are only the tip of the iceberg though, now back to the what, when, where, why, and how to break the news to your beautiful little child...A lot to ponder!

No matter what, remember that all of us are adopted by God, that he chose us and took us as his own and he accepted us even when we were unacceptable =)

Memoir #14 "Are you out there and FYI"

I just wanted to know if there is anyone out there who is actually reading my blog if you dare comment...I would love to know it is not just my hubby and I =D

Also, there are 3 ways to keep updated (that I know of) which are all located on the righthand lower side of the page and bottom...you can become a follower; you can subscribe; or you can sign-up to receive an email notification whenever the blog is updated with a new post.  You remain anonymous.

Definitely spread the word too and I'd also like to know of any other blogs that you follow that are pretty sweet.

Thanks!!!

Memoir #13 "Full-time working mom vs. foster mom vs. mom of 2"

So yesterday I get a call from the daycare asking me to come and pick-up the girls because "they don't feel very good" and "they want to go home" and we think they need to "rest at home" etc.. So I ask, do they have fevers? The answer is "well no, but the one had one yesterday" and I said well I gave her tylenol"  She then asked me "hasn't the other one been sick for a while?" I said "no, she's had a cold this week"...this is the director by the way, not one of the workers that actually interacts with them on a daily basis.  She just kept saying "well they're sick you know and I think they should just go home and rest and come back tomorrow"...I wanted to ask "so they are cranky and you don't want to deal with them?" haha..I paid $48.50 for this day that I am not getting back and you are going to make me come get them with no symptoms???  Unbelievable! I have been watching them and caring for them and they are fine btw...I should probably add that.  She also said "giving them tylenol could be masking their symptoms" and they could be contagious to the other kids"...wow, thanks for your words of wisdom not... lol  Last time I checked with our doctor, that is what you are supposed to do is give them tylenol and the other thing is where did they pick up this wonderful bug...hmm, daycare!  Who are they going to get sick...the same kids that got them sick in the first place???

Anyways, the rest of the story is where I started to think about which is really the hard part about me being a mommy...is it that I work full time or is it that I am a foster mom and have to deal with the system etc. or is it that now I have 2 instead of one. 
So I figure a way (in my head) to pick the girls up and have my husband take them during his lunch so I can meet with my one client that is driving in from far away, and then I will go and get them after and take them home and work from home while they nap.  Sounds easy but of course it did not go as planned!  So first of all, my co-worker had to cover my 11 o'clock new client consult...no prob really but my 12:30 appointment arrives late and with their two little kids and friend and they are slow-going...it took forever and then somehow my 3pm appointment wasn't cancelled afterall and there he is sitting there and I felt terrible having to reschedule him for Monday...bless his heart he didn't mind and I have one of my colleague's clients needing to ask me questions and I have one of my clients walk-in to ask me questions...the whole time the girls are at my husband's office down the street reaking havoc lol and needing a nap!!!  I didn't eat nor have a drink of water from 10am until 4pm yesterday and needless to say I was exhausted and stressed to the max.  Stupid day care...and I lost $50 which they kept and didn't watch these girls.  The other thing is they were not sick.  My husband's co-worker who has two little ones said "I would fire them if they did this to me...these children are NOT sick!"  Agreed girl! 

So, if you are still reading this...here are my conclusions: 

Having 2 instead of one doesn't make it much harder, at least the parts that are harder are balanced by the parts that are easier.  My husband and I have got the logistical part of getting two ready down and that kind of thing so I would say, at least for us, 2 kids (and they are both 3 not an infant and a toddler like I know has to be way harder) is not that hard.

Being a foster mom...well, there are a few things that are hard like doing the visits and court hearings and paperwork.  That is all in addition to the normal requirements of raising and caring for a child and so it does make life a little harder but again it is not that hard.

Last, working full time....now this is what makes life hard!  Granted, I do not want to be a stay-at-home mom nor do I want to work a few days a week or something because I LOVE being a lawyer.  Plus, I am just not that patient and into kid's stuff to want to play with them all day long but, what I do want, is to be able to come and go when I need to and come in late and leave early when I need to and if I have a kid's doctor appointment I just come in at 10am afterward or if I have a sick kid, I can just take the day off no problem, and if I have baseball games to go to every Tuesday and Thursday afternoons at 3pm, then I leave at 2:30pm those days. 

I guess flexibility is what would help and I do have to say, for being 28 years old and at my first lawyer-job I AM given a TON of flexibility.  My employers are awesome and they even give me Friday afternoons off to facilitate the visits =D =D =D  I cannot complain!  One day though, I hope to own my own business and then I know that I can have as much flexibility as I want and come and go as I please so that will really help in the future.  The hard part too with my job is that I have Court obligations and client consults that are big deals...they can't be rescheduled a lot of the time and so that really kills all the flexibility right there (should have picked another profession haha no just kidding)... But, as I look at the calender today and realize that next week Wednesday we have our foster child's HeadStart evaluation which I booked 2 months ago, I also realize that my husband has to be in Detroit at 8AM and I have to be in Detroit at 10:30AM for court...shooooooooooot!!!  I was really looking forward to it too but I will have to find a loving sub to take her that day : (   If only Judges were more flexible =D

Anyways...the "alter-call"...so life is hard, and it might not get easier, but if you believe in God, and you say you need Jesus, he'll be where you are, and he never will leave you!

Blessings!