From empoweredtoconnect.org...enjoy!
We are often asked what questions parents should consider as they make decisions and prepare to adopt or foster. Below is a list of ten questions that we believe will help parents better assess the journey that lies ahead.
Ten Questions for Parents Preparing to Adopt or Foster
We believe it is critically important that parents who are preparing to adopt or foster a child must be honest and realistic about the journey and the challenges that lie ahead. Just as Jesus in Luke 14 challenged those who would follow him to ‘count the cost,’ so too parents who respond to God’s call to adopt or foster must be willing to count the cost of the adoption journey and prepare to “lay down their lives” to love their child and help him or her become all that God intends.
The following questions are designed to help parents (and parents-to-be) begin to honestly assess the journey ahead…and what it will require. We encourage you to thoughtfully and prayerfully consider these questions. They are not meant to scare you or in any way discourage you from continuing on this amazing path. Instead, our desire is simply that these questions will point you toward the hope and help that you need to form a strong and lasting connection with your child as you faithfully follow God’s call in your life.
1. Are you willing to acknowledge and fully embrace your child’s history, including that which you know and that which you will likely never know?
2. Are you willing to accept that your child has been affected by his/her history, possibly in profound ways, and as a result that you will need to parent your child in a way that exhibits true compassion and promotes connection and healing?
3. Are you willing to parent differently than how you were parented, how you have parented in the past, or how your friends parent their children? Are you willing to “un-learn” certain parenting strategies and approaches that may not be effective with your child, even if you have used these strategies and approaches successfully with your other children in the past?
4. Are you willing to educate yourself, your parents, family and friends on an ongoing basis in order to promote understanding of your child’s needs and how best to meet those needs?
5. Are you willing to be misunderstood, criticized and even judged by others who do not understand your child’s history, the impacts of that history and how you have been called to love and connect with your child in order to help him/her heal and become all that God intends?
6. Are you prepared to advocate for your child’s needs, including at school, church, in extracurricular settings and otherwise, in order to create predictability and promote environments that enable your child to feel safe and allow him/her to succeed?
7. Are you willing to sacrifice your own convenience, expectations and desires in order to connect with your child and help him/her heal, even if that process is measured in years, not months?
8. Are you willing to fully embrace your child’s holistic needs, including his/her physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs?
9. Are you willing to seek ongoing support and maintain long-term connections with others who understand your journey and the challenges that you face? Are you willing to intentionally seek and accept help when you encounter challenges with your child that you are not equipped to adequately deal with?
10. Are you willing to acknowledge that you as a parent bring a great deal to the equation when it comes to how your child will attach and connect? Are you willing to honestly examine (on an ongoing basis) your motivations and expectations relating to your adoption journey? Are you willing to look at your own past (including your past losses and trauma, both big and small) and consider how your past may impact your interactions with your child? Are you willing to consistently examine your role as parent as you experience challenges and difficulties along the journey?
As you read through the above questions, you may have concluded that some of the questions didn’t apply to you and your situation? That may be the case to some extent, as every adoption and foster care experience is unique. However, we encourage you to spend some time reading and talking with other experienced adoptive and foster parents about what you should realistically expect as you travel this journey. We find that parents sometimes start with less than accurate assumptions about how the adoption or foster care journey will unfold, and as a result they are more likely to form unrealistic expectations. We believe that these questions are helpful and instructive for all parents considering or pursuing adoption and foster care, and we hope that as you work through them they will lead you toward greater insight and understanding.
Blessings!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Memoir #12 "PRIDE & practicability"
Now that I have a blog on the topic of foster/adoption, I have searched to find other blogs that address the same, and I have found some that are very inspiring. So then I started thinking, what makes mine different and it came to me right away. My is practicable (one of my favorite words from law school), meaning that it is capable of being used.
I want someone who reads my blog to be updated and inspired but I also want that person to walk away with real, useful, knowledge. I hope you find just that and enjoy!
So today I will write about what it takes to get your foster care license in MI and what it takes to maintain it.
First, you must apply for your license and there are forms to fill-out. Depending on where you live, you will have to contact the Department of Human Services (DHS) or a private agency. It may be best to contact the DHS anyway and they could refer you to the agencies that they work with.
Once all this is complete, you will be scheduled for PRIDE training classes and the schedules definitely vary. PRIDE stands for Parent Resource for Information Development and Education. There may also be a waiting list. I have been told in certain states the wait is up to 9 months. We looked into three agencies and two of them had about a 2-3 month wait. The final agency had two spots open in the course that started the following week and we signed up immediately...God always works like that doesn't he?
Then you need a babysitter and a patient heart. Our classes were Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights for about 5 weeks I believe...maybe only Tuesday and Thursday, it is such a blur right now, but they went for 3 hours. You rush home from work, get your kids to the babysitter and rush to the location where the class is. Both people must attend all classes if you are a married couple. There are some alternative schedules given by some agencies, though the classes are not as frequently offered so look into it. We heard that some agencies offer 4 saturdays for example instead of night classes.
The classes are actually for 7 weeks, if I'm not mistaken, and some agencies require attendance of all of them. But for the actual licensing, you are only required to complete a certain number of hours which I believe is about 30.
A few things to note...the private agencies usually do charge a fee for the courses. If you go through DHS you do not have to pay, or at least we did not have to. There is also material that you need to purchase or get ahold of in advance to use in the courses. If anyone is seriously considering it I have a few books so just let me know and I would love to save you the expense.
Once PRIDE training is complete, you will have a home assessment done and you will have to have your water temperature checked, the size of the bedrooms measured, a carbon monoxide detector installed etc... then you wait for Lansing to finally approve your license and send it to you in the mail! After we finished the classes it took about 4 months to get our license. Needless to say, Lansing, whoever they are, have not been fast in any part of this process = D
Your license is only valid for 6 months in the beginning. In order to keep your foster license open in MI, you are required to do 6 hours of continuing education every year and so you need to notify your DHS worker that you want to renew your license after the first 6 months is up, and then if it is renewed, it will be open for yearly increments thereafter.
I will jusy say, my husband and I laughed a lot about the PRIDE classes and many nights we felt like they were a waste of our time but we also had nights where we learned a lot. They had some great speakers come in who were foster/adoptive parents themselves and they had a ton of experience to share with the group. The other benefit is the comradery. You socialize with another 30 people who are jumping into the same thing that you are and you share a lot together.
And now to my "alter call"...I've decided to call it this which is my plug for joining the journey into foster/adoption/refugee care...
PRIDE classes may not be the most enjoyable way to spend your evenings but the Lord says "Believers in humble circumstances ought to take PRIDE in their high position, for God has honored them" James 1:9
Blessings for the rest of the week!
I want someone who reads my blog to be updated and inspired but I also want that person to walk away with real, useful, knowledge. I hope you find just that and enjoy!
So today I will write about what it takes to get your foster care license in MI and what it takes to maintain it.
First, you must apply for your license and there are forms to fill-out. Depending on where you live, you will have to contact the Department of Human Services (DHS) or a private agency. It may be best to contact the DHS anyway and they could refer you to the agencies that they work with.
Once all this is complete, you will be scheduled for PRIDE training classes and the schedules definitely vary. PRIDE stands for Parent Resource for Information Development and Education. There may also be a waiting list. I have been told in certain states the wait is up to 9 months. We looked into three agencies and two of them had about a 2-3 month wait. The final agency had two spots open in the course that started the following week and we signed up immediately...God always works like that doesn't he?
Then you need a babysitter and a patient heart. Our classes were Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights for about 5 weeks I believe...maybe only Tuesday and Thursday, it is such a blur right now, but they went for 3 hours. You rush home from work, get your kids to the babysitter and rush to the location where the class is. Both people must attend all classes if you are a married couple. There are some alternative schedules given by some agencies, though the classes are not as frequently offered so look into it. We heard that some agencies offer 4 saturdays for example instead of night classes.
The classes are actually for 7 weeks, if I'm not mistaken, and some agencies require attendance of all of them. But for the actual licensing, you are only required to complete a certain number of hours which I believe is about 30.
A few things to note...the private agencies usually do charge a fee for the courses. If you go through DHS you do not have to pay, or at least we did not have to. There is also material that you need to purchase or get ahold of in advance to use in the courses. If anyone is seriously considering it I have a few books so just let me know and I would love to save you the expense.
Once PRIDE training is complete, you will have a home assessment done and you will have to have your water temperature checked, the size of the bedrooms measured, a carbon monoxide detector installed etc... then you wait for Lansing to finally approve your license and send it to you in the mail! After we finished the classes it took about 4 months to get our license. Needless to say, Lansing, whoever they are, have not been fast in any part of this process = D
Your license is only valid for 6 months in the beginning. In order to keep your foster license open in MI, you are required to do 6 hours of continuing education every year and so you need to notify your DHS worker that you want to renew your license after the first 6 months is up, and then if it is renewed, it will be open for yearly increments thereafter.
I will jusy say, my husband and I laughed a lot about the PRIDE classes and many nights we felt like they were a waste of our time but we also had nights where we learned a lot. They had some great speakers come in who were foster/adoptive parents themselves and they had a ton of experience to share with the group. The other benefit is the comradery. You socialize with another 30 people who are jumping into the same thing that you are and you share a lot together.
And now to my "alter call"...I've decided to call it this which is my plug for joining the journey into foster/adoption/refugee care...
PRIDE classes may not be the most enjoyable way to spend your evenings but the Lord says "Believers in humble circumstances ought to take PRIDE in their high position, for God has honored them" James 1:9
Blessings for the rest of the week!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Memoir # 11 "Paradox & tough statistics"
There are many people that I know or that I am aquainted with that are struggling to grow their family the natural way. One of the most difficlut paradoxes of all time for me is why can't some of the best people get pregnant when some of the worst people can give birth to more children than they can possibly care for? I can't say for sure what I would do if I were in their shoes. I probably would try some minimal fertility treatments but then if that failed I am pretty sure I would gear up for my next foster-adoption =D
To be honest, I have been so blessed in growing my family in this way that I would LOVE to do it again!
It is not for everyone though and I sympathize with those who admit that they could never take a child into their home and love him to pieces only to have him reunited 10 months later with his birth parents. This is something you may face if you choose to go this route. According to the Michigan Foster Care Review Board in 2010, half of all children who enter foster care in MI are reunited with their birth parents. This is on par with the national average which is also 50%. So on average you have a fifty-fifty chance of adopting the child that comes into your home. It really depends on the county that you live in or are working with though. For example the county in MI we have worked with claims to have a 40% reunification rate/60% adoption rate so chances are a little better there. I know that 50% isn't that high but compare it to some of the Infertility treatments out there and foster-adopt has them beat!
I want to clarify that there are a huge number of waiting children who are no longer in foster care and who are available to adopt. These children for the most part are either African American (I hate this statistic right here because these kids are perfectly healthy), part of a sibling group that they do not want to split up (at this time), or they have special needs or disbilities. These kids are waiting right now and if you have it in your heart to take one of them on, they are ready to come home to their forever family right now!
However, if you want to adopt a "happy healthy younger" child out of foster care, you need to foster a "happy and healthy younger" child first. There is a high demand for children that do not have any significant issues, who are under the age of 5 years old, and are caucasian/asian/native american/latino.
Please keep reading and I will give you the statistics on this. In Michigan, 92% of children in foster care are adopted by either a relative or their foster parents. Not a lot of kids are left over as you can see.
Second, 51% of all children in foster care in MI are under the age of 5. Half of them are infant - 4 years old!!! Where do all these kids go? See above statistic...to their foster parents.
Anyway, in summary...foster to adopt is tough because it carries the risk of heartbreak but I have seen people have full funerals for their miscarriages so I think there is always a risk of heartbreak associated with trying to grown one's family - whichever way you choose to do it. No matter which route you choose to go, remember that the statistics change significantly when you put your trust in God almighty..."For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted my request" 1 Samuel 1:27
Blessings for the week!
To be honest, I have been so blessed in growing my family in this way that I would LOVE to do it again!
It is not for everyone though and I sympathize with those who admit that they could never take a child into their home and love him to pieces only to have him reunited 10 months later with his birth parents. This is something you may face if you choose to go this route. According to the Michigan Foster Care Review Board in 2010, half of all children who enter foster care in MI are reunited with their birth parents. This is on par with the national average which is also 50%. So on average you have a fifty-fifty chance of adopting the child that comes into your home. It really depends on the county that you live in or are working with though. For example the county in MI we have worked with claims to have a 40% reunification rate/60% adoption rate so chances are a little better there. I know that 50% isn't that high but compare it to some of the Infertility treatments out there and foster-adopt has them beat!
- Chlomid - 10-50% chance that taking it consistently will result in pregnancy
- In Vitro - 20-42% embryos placed resulting in pregnancy
I want to clarify that there are a huge number of waiting children who are no longer in foster care and who are available to adopt. These children for the most part are either African American (I hate this statistic right here because these kids are perfectly healthy), part of a sibling group that they do not want to split up (at this time), or they have special needs or disbilities. These kids are waiting right now and if you have it in your heart to take one of them on, they are ready to come home to their forever family right now!
However, if you want to adopt a "happy healthy younger" child out of foster care, you need to foster a "happy and healthy younger" child first. There is a high demand for children that do not have any significant issues, who are under the age of 5 years old, and are caucasian/asian/native american/latino.
Please keep reading and I will give you the statistics on this. In Michigan, 92% of children in foster care are adopted by either a relative or their foster parents. Not a lot of kids are left over as you can see.
Second, 51% of all children in foster care in MI are under the age of 5. Half of them are infant - 4 years old!!! Where do all these kids go? See above statistic...to their foster parents.
Anyway, in summary...foster to adopt is tough because it carries the risk of heartbreak but I have seen people have full funerals for their miscarriages so I think there is always a risk of heartbreak associated with trying to grown one's family - whichever way you choose to do it. No matter which route you choose to go, remember that the statistics change significantly when you put your trust in God almighty..."For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted my request" 1 Samuel 1:27
Blessings for the week!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Memoir #10 "deceit and new names"
So this memoir is two-fold...first I will talk about the negative (aka deceit) and I will end it with the positive (aka new names) =D Thanks a lot for checking out this blog and please subscribe or follow it!
So, JJ had her visit on Friday and some of the stipulations to the visitation process were violated (not really a shocker but you just think that the biomom would be smarter than this right?)
Well, one of them is that JJ is not allowed to see certain family members which is court-ordered and not just a recommendation. Another is that she is not allowed to go to the house she was removed from because it is deemed "unfit".
Well of course, she reports to us that she went to the house that is unfit and she saw these family members. In addition, she saw other family members with significant criminal records (which I won't go into details about here but they are pretty serious in nature).
I just don't understand the thought process of the biomom...clearly protection of JJ is not a priority. Anyway, when you are a foster parent you are a mandatory reporter so I will be reporting this of course.
Ok, so on to the positives...we got our first letter in the mail today with our first foster child Raya's new name. I looked at the envelope in disbelief really...it is becoming a reality that she is going to be ours in a few weeks!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I am SO excited =D =D =D
We are changing her middle name and it listed her new name (the one we have chosen for her) on this envelope and it just caused my tummy to flutter!!! I can't wait to be her forever mommy guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hold her in my arms and squeeze her tight and just love her to pieces.
I can't thank her birth parents enough for her...she is one of God's most beautiful creations of all time!!!
Blessings!
So, JJ had her visit on Friday and some of the stipulations to the visitation process were violated (not really a shocker but you just think that the biomom would be smarter than this right?)
Well, one of them is that JJ is not allowed to see certain family members which is court-ordered and not just a recommendation. Another is that she is not allowed to go to the house she was removed from because it is deemed "unfit".
Well of course, she reports to us that she went to the house that is unfit and she saw these family members. In addition, she saw other family members with significant criminal records (which I won't go into details about here but they are pretty serious in nature).
I just don't understand the thought process of the biomom...clearly protection of JJ is not a priority. Anyway, when you are a foster parent you are a mandatory reporter so I will be reporting this of course.
Ok, so on to the positives...we got our first letter in the mail today with our first foster child Raya's new name. I looked at the envelope in disbelief really...it is becoming a reality that she is going to be ours in a few weeks!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I am SO excited =D =D =D
We are changing her middle name and it listed her new name (the one we have chosen for her) on this envelope and it just caused my tummy to flutter!!! I can't wait to be her forever mommy guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hold her in my arms and squeeze her tight and just love her to pieces.
I can't thank her birth parents enough for her...she is one of God's most beautiful creations of all time!!!
Blessings!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Memoir #9 "give her life"
Hello everyone!
Yesterday, I heard a statistic on the radio that 2 out of 3 abortions in the United States are done at a Planned Parenthood...in fact Planned Parenthood has a monopoly on Abortions (which sounds sick to say but true). I got to thinking about the alternative to abortion being adoption and how beautiful that is. If you are reading this and you are pro-choice I just ask that you remember that there are two choices...
So if you follow me, you know that I love statistics and definitions to emphasize my points so check-out these alternative definitions and synonyms I found on dictionary.com and thesaurus.com -->
Abortion - cessation of a process before completion...expulsion, DISAPPOINTMENT, failure, breakdown, loss, a mess...
Adoption - to accept and take on as if it were one's own...acceptance, approval, CHOICE, embracing, support...
Now I don't personally know what it's like to be in those shoes and to be contemplating that choice but I do know from personal experience that adoption is exactly what it says it is above...it is acceptance, it is full of embrace, and it leaves you feeling empowered and filled to the brim with Joy!
I know someone personally who did choose the first option and I will tell you (though hearsay I realize) that she says abortion is exactly what the definition says it is as well..it is a loss, a true disappointment, and it leaves you forever regretting your choice and wishing you could reverse your decision.
Ironically, I was reading my new April Women's Health Magazine today and I stumbled upon an article that has disturbed me all morning and really prompted me to write about this topic because of it. It is titled, "Your Rights, Right Now". Women's Health interviewed Cecile Richards who is the president of Planned Parenthood Federation of American and asked her all kinds of questions but the last question bothered me a lot. She was asked, what's going on in the area of so-called crisis pregnancy centers? Her response (which I don't know how she has this personal knowledge but regardless) "These centers, which are also known as pregnancy ministries, are anti-choice centers that imitate being health facilities in order to scare pregnant women who are seeking health care into not terminating their pregnancies. They have a history of using deceptive tactics and giving women biased and misleading information."
Thanks Cecile...where did you get your information from exactly? I am adding Planned Parenthood to my "to sue" list which is not necessarily a list of entities that I truly plan to sue but it is a list of entities that I will work against in some way, shape, or form. I am also going to write the magazine and express my distaste in the "facts" given in this article and for Cecile's commentary and I will question them regarding her unprofessionalism and her lack of source disclosure in slandering crisis center ministries.
Any ideas of what we can do to counter the monster that Planned Parenthood has become in this country???
Blessings for the weekend!
Yesterday, I heard a statistic on the radio that 2 out of 3 abortions in the United States are done at a Planned Parenthood...in fact Planned Parenthood has a monopoly on Abortions (which sounds sick to say but true). I got to thinking about the alternative to abortion being adoption and how beautiful that is. If you are reading this and you are pro-choice I just ask that you remember that there are two choices...
So if you follow me, you know that I love statistics and definitions to emphasize my points so check-out these alternative definitions and synonyms I found on dictionary.com and thesaurus.com -->
Abortion - cessation of a process before completion...expulsion, DISAPPOINTMENT, failure, breakdown, loss, a mess...
Adoption - to accept and take on as if it were one's own...acceptance, approval, CHOICE, embracing, support...
Now I don't personally know what it's like to be in those shoes and to be contemplating that choice but I do know from personal experience that adoption is exactly what it says it is above...it is acceptance, it is full of embrace, and it leaves you feeling empowered and filled to the brim with Joy!
I know someone personally who did choose the first option and I will tell you (though hearsay I realize) that she says abortion is exactly what the definition says it is as well..it is a loss, a true disappointment, and it leaves you forever regretting your choice and wishing you could reverse your decision.
Ironically, I was reading my new April Women's Health Magazine today and I stumbled upon an article that has disturbed me all morning and really prompted me to write about this topic because of it. It is titled, "Your Rights, Right Now". Women's Health interviewed Cecile Richards who is the president of Planned Parenthood Federation of American and asked her all kinds of questions but the last question bothered me a lot. She was asked, what's going on in the area of so-called crisis pregnancy centers? Her response (which I don't know how she has this personal knowledge but regardless) "These centers, which are also known as pregnancy ministries, are anti-choice centers that imitate being health facilities in order to scare pregnant women who are seeking health care into not terminating their pregnancies. They have a history of using deceptive tactics and giving women biased and misleading information."
Thanks Cecile...where did you get your information from exactly? I am adding Planned Parenthood to my "to sue" list which is not necessarily a list of entities that I truly plan to sue but it is a list of entities that I will work against in some way, shape, or form. I am also going to write the magazine and express my distaste in the "facts" given in this article and for Cecile's commentary and I will question them regarding her unprofessionalism and her lack of source disclosure in slandering crisis center ministries.
Any ideas of what we can do to counter the monster that Planned Parenthood has become in this country???
Blessings for the weekend!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Memoir #8 "BFF's and Potty"
Yesterday was such a good day for our whole family and especially for my girls! It may be just my 3-year-olds but we have been struggling with consistent potty-use now since we became "potty-trained"...it is very frustrating to say the least but yesterday they both managed to come home in the same clothes I dressed them in in the morning...hurray!!! They both got a giant smiley-faces on our marker board for that and we were very proud of them because this is definitely not the norm but knock on wood...maybe we are making some progress =)
So not only did they have good potty days they were just hyper and lovey-dovey to each other. Around 7:00pm we put a movie on for them to wind down before bed time...which one you might ask...Frosty the Snowman...it is Christmas all year round in our house! So, when I come up the stairs to get them ready for bed they were sitting together in JJ's bed with about 4 pillows propped up behind them and 5 babies/stuffed animals watching the movie together. They proceeded to tell me "we love each other so much and we are best friends"...LOL, I just loved walking into this scene...cool!
Now I wanted to create a sounding board about Potty-training advice here too because man it is tricky so please comment with what you have found to work well and what you have found does not help at all, I would love to hear it! I will tell you some of my tecniques and feel free to laugh out loud!
This summer when I was staying at home with Raya I was getting sick of changing diapers and I knew I would be going to work very soon...also, we planned to move September 1st so I decided I would potty-train her before this occurred and while we had all wood floors and no carpet =) She was about 29 months old (almost 2 and a half). I read up on how to go about this and when she woke up that Monday morning, I was ready. First we talked about it in great detail and I acted out going on the potty and having an accident with a doll and a make-shift potty. Then I busted out the brand new big girl panties that I had purchased with Dora on them. We had the little potty in the middle of the living room floor and then I handed her a huge glass of chocolate milk. My goal was to get this done in about 3 days tops.
Well things didn't go as well as planned and she would be playing and just pee herself again and again but I was consistent. After day three I actually told my husband that this was it, she wasn't ready but that next morning she begged to wear the big girl panties again and have another chance at it and I caved.
Something happened and she started to do pretty well. I would put a pull-up on her during nap (which we still do to this day) but she started to get it. Not too long after we exclusively used the potty seat that goes on the big potty and got rid of the stinky kiddie potty (that sang by the way) and when we moved she was pretty potty trained! I am proud of a lot of things in life for example, passing the bar exam on the first try, but I am extra proud of potty-training! The hard part is, she really has had some set-backs and still has accidents about every two days. She also will still wet herself during nap/night time...is this normal at age 3? JJ too, she came to us "completely potty-trained"...not, that was a lie. She has accidents as frequently as Raya. Anyway, any comments and war-stories are appreciated!
Blessings!
So not only did they have good potty days they were just hyper and lovey-dovey to each other. Around 7:00pm we put a movie on for them to wind down before bed time...which one you might ask...Frosty the Snowman...it is Christmas all year round in our house! So, when I come up the stairs to get them ready for bed they were sitting together in JJ's bed with about 4 pillows propped up behind them and 5 babies/stuffed animals watching the movie together. They proceeded to tell me "we love each other so much and we are best friends"...LOL, I just loved walking into this scene...cool!
Now I wanted to create a sounding board about Potty-training advice here too because man it is tricky so please comment with what you have found to work well and what you have found does not help at all, I would love to hear it! I will tell you some of my tecniques and feel free to laugh out loud!
This summer when I was staying at home with Raya I was getting sick of changing diapers and I knew I would be going to work very soon...also, we planned to move September 1st so I decided I would potty-train her before this occurred and while we had all wood floors and no carpet =) She was about 29 months old (almost 2 and a half). I read up on how to go about this and when she woke up that Monday morning, I was ready. First we talked about it in great detail and I acted out going on the potty and having an accident with a doll and a make-shift potty. Then I busted out the brand new big girl panties that I had purchased with Dora on them. We had the little potty in the middle of the living room floor and then I handed her a huge glass of chocolate milk. My goal was to get this done in about 3 days tops.
Well things didn't go as well as planned and she would be playing and just pee herself again and again but I was consistent. After day three I actually told my husband that this was it, she wasn't ready but that next morning she begged to wear the big girl panties again and have another chance at it and I caved.
Something happened and she started to do pretty well. I would put a pull-up on her during nap (which we still do to this day) but she started to get it. Not too long after we exclusively used the potty seat that goes on the big potty and got rid of the stinky kiddie potty (that sang by the way) and when we moved she was pretty potty trained! I am proud of a lot of things in life for example, passing the bar exam on the first try, but I am extra proud of potty-training! The hard part is, she really has had some set-backs and still has accidents about every two days. She also will still wet herself during nap/night time...is this normal at age 3? JJ too, she came to us "completely potty-trained"...not, that was a lie. She has accidents as frequently as Raya. Anyway, any comments and war-stories are appreciated!
Blessings!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Memoir #7 "wow...I've thought about doing what you're doing..."
My husband and I were talking the other day about the reaction that occurs when people find out that we are foster-to-adopt parents, and they always say the same thing and it goes a little something like this -> "...wow, that is so great, I've thought about doing it myself..." My husband brought up a good point too and it got me thinking. Isn't it funny how everyone we meet has thought about doing it but nobody we meet has actually done it? Why not?
I started thinking about this a little more and I want to be sure to clarify that this entry is not meant to brag about how great we are in our choice to do this. Rather, I want to talk about the reasons why people like us do actually choose to do it and maybe offer some insite and change the statistics a little bit so let's check these statistics out...
Statistic number 1...Right now there are 500,000 children in foster care in the United States
Statistic number 2...If one family out of every church in America would become a foster family, there would be a shortage in foster children!!!
Statistic number 3...Right now there are 118,000 children who are waiting to be adopted in the United States
Statistic number 4...If one family out of every four churches in America would adopt a child, there would be a shortage in adoptive children!
Statistic number 5...Six in ten Americans have had a personal experience with adoption meaning that they themselves, a family member, or a close friend was adopted, adopted a child, or had a child placed for adoption (evan b donaldson institute 1997)
I started thinking about this a little more and I want to be sure to clarify that this entry is not meant to brag about how great we are in our choice to do this. Rather, I want to talk about the reasons why people like us do actually choose to do it and maybe offer some insite and change the statistics a little bit so let's check these statistics out...
You do not have to be married to be a foster/adopt parent; you do not have to own your home; you do not have to be rich; you do need to be at least 18 years old; you do have to have good moral character; you do have to be able to assure proper care and safety of the children (adoptuskids.org)
Are you ready to take the plunge?!?!?!?!Statistic number 1...Right now there are 500,000 children in foster care in the United States
Statistic number 2...If one family out of every church in America would become a foster family, there would be a shortage in foster children!!!
Statistic number 3...Right now there are 118,000 children who are waiting to be adopted in the United States
Statistic number 4...If one family out of every four churches in America would adopt a child, there would be a shortage in adoptive children!
Statistic number 5...Six in ten Americans have had a personal experience with adoption meaning that they themselves, a family member, or a close friend was adopted, adopted a child, or had a child placed for adoption (evan b donaldson institute 1997)
Statistic #6…Nearly 3 out of every 4 adopted children ages 0-5 are read to or sang to every day, compared with only half of non-adopted children who receive the same attention from their biological parents.
Statistic #7… Well over half of all adopted children eat dinner with their families at least six days per week.
Statistic #7… Well over half of all adopted children eat dinner with their families at least six days per week.
Statistic #8…Adopted children are more likely to live in neighborhoods that are safe, that have amenities and are in good physical condition than are non-adopted children. (2007 national survey of adoptive parents)
Have any of these grabbed your attention??? The first step in the journey is making the decision to find out more =)
Memoir #6 "Two things I want to change about the system...this is not for the weak of heart"
Hello All! It has been a while since my last post I realize and I apologize for that. Tomorrow is the 1 month mark for having two foster children in our home and we are adjusting nicely =)
I hate to be negative but there are a two things that have bothered me recently that I want to share them in case you are considering the foster/adopt/refugee journey. Basically an FYI of sorts. There is such a need for foster and adoptive parents so I never want to discourage someone from joining this journey but I want every person considering this path to know just what they are getting themselves into...thus, the following two FYI complaints...enjoy!
#1 Foster Care FYI- when you agree to take a foster child into your home, you need to have some money saved up that you can use to front many costs. I would recommend at least $300 and if you work full time I recommend $800. You will be reimbursed eventually but the system is very slow in doing so.
Like I said before, tomorrow is our 1 month mark and we have yet to see a dime for our new foster child JJ. She has attended daycare for four weeks which totals $540. She also has gone through two packages of pull-ups which costed $40. We had to purchase two carseats for her which costed $80...she also came with no shoes that fit her and no pants that fit her. In addition, I drive 93.4 miles (one way) for her visits with her birth mother EVERY week. Yes...every single week.
The bottom line is that your foster child may not have proper fitting clothing or proper clothing for the weather. Your foster child probably will not have a bed. Your foster child will probably not come with sippy cups, children's silverware and dishes, or a toothbrush. You will need items like car seats and strollers. You may also have to drive great lengths in order to facilitiate visits for your child. Most medical costs/prescriptions/doctor visits will be covered by medicaid but some items will not be and you will have to pay for those out of pocket.
I promise I will update you when we get our reimbursement and I will let you know how much we will get toward daycare, which is new for us, so you can get an idea too!
#2 Adopt FYI - so after months of working to adopt our first foster child Raya...we find out yesterday that the judge has a rule that he put into place...what is this rule you might ask? Well, he will not allow a couple to adopt until they have been married for 1 year. Today would have been adoption day - March 10, 2011...our 1 year anniversury is March 27, 2011...YES, he really wouldn't do it because we are 16 days short!!!
It doesn't matter how long we have been together before this, it doesn't matter that we got married in order to adopt this young lady, it doesn't matter that we have had her for almost 12 months now and actually have been interacting with her for 14...he has his rule. So, disappointment but the adoption day will be in April or May at the latest.
One of our adoption workers told me..."she is 90% yours"...lol, I wanted to say well she is 100% God's and let's not forget that...For in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Are you feeling the call yet? Do you have $700 you could scrape together for a month and take a precious child into your home? Is God tugging at your heart strings to do something more for his kingdom on this side of heaven?
Have a blessed day!
***UPDATE***
We finally received our first check for JJ so it took about 5 weeks from the day she was placed in our home. This is not day care money though. We are still waiting to see that come through but it is something and it helps with the costs a little bit. Another thing I wanted to let you know is that if you adopt a child out of foster care, that child most likely will qualify for financial support (almost every child age 3+ does for example) so since we do not need the money to pay for everyday needs we will be using that money to fund Raya's private Christian schooling and college fund. He will make beauty from ashes. He will bring joy instead of mourning. (Isaiah 61:3 paraphrase)
I hate to be negative but there are a two things that have bothered me recently that I want to share them in case you are considering the foster/adopt/refugee journey. Basically an FYI of sorts. There is such a need for foster and adoptive parents so I never want to discourage someone from joining this journey but I want every person considering this path to know just what they are getting themselves into...thus, the following two FYI complaints...enjoy!
#1 Foster Care FYI- when you agree to take a foster child into your home, you need to have some money saved up that you can use to front many costs. I would recommend at least $300 and if you work full time I recommend $800. You will be reimbursed eventually but the system is very slow in doing so.
Like I said before, tomorrow is our 1 month mark and we have yet to see a dime for our new foster child JJ. She has attended daycare for four weeks which totals $540. She also has gone through two packages of pull-ups which costed $40. We had to purchase two carseats for her which costed $80...she also came with no shoes that fit her and no pants that fit her. In addition, I drive 93.4 miles (one way) for her visits with her birth mother EVERY week. Yes...every single week.
The bottom line is that your foster child may not have proper fitting clothing or proper clothing for the weather. Your foster child probably will not have a bed. Your foster child will probably not come with sippy cups, children's silverware and dishes, or a toothbrush. You will need items like car seats and strollers. You may also have to drive great lengths in order to facilitiate visits for your child. Most medical costs/prescriptions/doctor visits will be covered by medicaid but some items will not be and you will have to pay for those out of pocket.
I promise I will update you when we get our reimbursement and I will let you know how much we will get toward daycare, which is new for us, so you can get an idea too!
#2 Adopt FYI - so after months of working to adopt our first foster child Raya...we find out yesterday that the judge has a rule that he put into place...what is this rule you might ask? Well, he will not allow a couple to adopt until they have been married for 1 year. Today would have been adoption day - March 10, 2011...our 1 year anniversury is March 27, 2011...YES, he really wouldn't do it because we are 16 days short!!!
It doesn't matter how long we have been together before this, it doesn't matter that we got married in order to adopt this young lady, it doesn't matter that we have had her for almost 12 months now and actually have been interacting with her for 14...he has his rule. So, disappointment but the adoption day will be in April or May at the latest.
One of our adoption workers told me..."she is 90% yours"...lol, I wanted to say well she is 100% God's and let's not forget that...For in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Are you feeling the call yet? Do you have $700 you could scrape together for a month and take a precious child into your home? Is God tugging at your heart strings to do something more for his kingdom on this side of heaven?
Have a blessed day!
***UPDATE***
We finally received our first check for JJ so it took about 5 weeks from the day she was placed in our home. This is not day care money though. We are still waiting to see that come through but it is something and it helps with the costs a little bit. Another thing I wanted to let you know is that if you adopt a child out of foster care, that child most likely will qualify for financial support (almost every child age 3+ does for example) so since we do not need the money to pay for everyday needs we will be using that money to fund Raya's private Christian schooling and college fund. He will make beauty from ashes. He will bring joy instead of mourning. (Isaiah 61:3 paraphrase)
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