And just when I thought the system was bad it got worse! Last week for JJ's unsupervised visit with her biomom she reported afterward that her biomom hurt her. I won't go into all the details here. Well I reported this to our old DHS worker (they changed workers this same day of course) and our other foster child's worker and our new worker. I also called the G.A.D. (guardian ad litem) and was advised to report everything to CPS. After this is all said and done, the new worker told me last night that the GAD wants an interview done of the child before she'll write something to change the visits to supervised, CPS didn't assign a worker because DHS already has the case and without a CPS worker there is no interview scheduled and with no interview the GAD will not change the visits.
THANK YOU FOR FAILING TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I had to insert a brief scream before I continue. So tomorrow I am forced to send this 3 year old into the lion's den again with no supervision. What if she tells me she was hurt again? What are we supposed to do? Who is protecting her?
I thought to myself there has got to be a way to report the failures of the system and this is what I will do if nothing happens...it is called Office of the Ombudsman which was founded in MI in 1994 to ensure that CPS, DHS, and GAD's are doing there jobs. There is also a law which is commonly referred to as the Child Protection Law which was enacted in 1975 and is actually MCL 722.621 - 722.638. This is where children are protected from abuse by the law...now to enforce the law!
***UPDATE***
After a lot and I mean a lot of advocating to everyone I could find who would listen, a CPS worker finally interviewed her and as you can imagine, she reported the abuse...good girl!!! I am proud of her because it was a week later and she is very shy but she did it. Are her visits going to be supervised you might ask? Nope...the guardian refuses to change them until she sees physical marks or repeated reporting from her. The DHS worker is going to include a report at the next hearing so at least something is being done to note what occurred but that is it for now. No, it is not good enough though, it really isn't. It is not good enough for her, she deserves better : / Prayers appreciated!!!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Memoir #4 "crash and burn"
Today was rough...well for us, 2 and 1/2 hours were rough...I can't imagine the day the fine daycare workers had =D Part of the problem is that the girls have been going to sleep very late the last couple of days but also I think it's just the adjustment and the testing boundaries and love etc.
How is JJ doing you ask...excellent! Lol, it's Raya that is the problem. Today she hit kids, teachers and me =) Story of my life...foster children are so loveable but they can be very agressive sometimes. I don't want to scare anyone but I was definitely smoked by a two year old many times over the course of 8 months. It dwindled down and really came to a stop. But Alas...retrogression. Today, not only did she revert to hitting, she went potty in her pants twice, and she relapsed into one of her tantrums that we have not seen since probably August or September. Bummer : / to say the least.
But I am not going to give up hope, in fact, I am hopeful and I need to be my own backer. I know this is the right thing to do, I just have to be willing and able to get through the adjustment phase of it all. It's so hard though to go backwards...especially when progress is very slow going as it is.
Tomorrow Raya will get a break because she goes to a different caretaker so maybe that will help to refresh the situation. Prayers please =)
Blessings!
How is JJ doing you ask...excellent! Lol, it's Raya that is the problem. Today she hit kids, teachers and me =) Story of my life...foster children are so loveable but they can be very agressive sometimes. I don't want to scare anyone but I was definitely smoked by a two year old many times over the course of 8 months. It dwindled down and really came to a stop. But Alas...retrogression. Today, not only did she revert to hitting, she went potty in her pants twice, and she relapsed into one of her tantrums that we have not seen since probably August or September. Bummer : / to say the least.
But I am not going to give up hope, in fact, I am hopeful and I need to be my own backer. I know this is the right thing to do, I just have to be willing and able to get through the adjustment phase of it all. It's so hard though to go backwards...especially when progress is very slow going as it is.
Tomorrow Raya will get a break because she goes to a different caretaker so maybe that will help to refresh the situation. Prayers please =)
Blessings!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Memoir #3 "V-day and the joy of children"
First of all Happy Valentine's Day!!! I have hated V-day for most of my life and maybe you are like me and feel the same. It is very forced and I for all of those who don't have a "special someone" it is very lonely and evil ha! But this year is different...I woke up to my wonderful husband (this is our first "married" V-day) and then I got not one hug but two from my girls! Also, in case you don't know, three-year-old hugs are just the best, they are a mixture of arms around your neck, snuggling, and squeezing really tightly like they will never let you go. It is how a hug should be...genuine =) Although I woke up at 5:45AM and struggled my way through getting all of us ready and out the door by 7:20AM LOL...I wouldn't change it. There is such a joy in taking care of children, especially those who really really need you.
Things have been going good, well let me take that back, they have been going great. I was so worried about how our Raya would react to JJ and how JJ would react leaving her old foster home behind but so far it is better than expected. The girls really care about eachother and I think they truly enjoy eachothers' company or at least having someone there with them at all times to share experiences. We are hoping the the good in each rubs off on the other, for example we hope Raya can influence JJ to be more outgoing/friendly and not so shy. We also hope JJ can influence Raya to be more obedient and to speak better.
So far, and really I should say today, I am "ok" with the idea that we may not keep JJ in all of this and that our job is to give her the best life while she is in our home. I'm sure as the months go by this may change and I will be more attached to her. With Raya it was all so fast and we changed our lives so drastically that we feel like I "had to" attach right away or it wouldn't have worked. I also was a "stay-at-home-mom" with Raya for 6 months. God's master plan is better than we could imagine and I know that what he has instore for JJ is what is best for her. Either we get to adopt another angel or this 6 month time period gets the birth mommy whipped into shape *finally*...to become independent and able to be a functioning and contributing adult in society as opposed to a huge burden...and most importantly to become a good mother.
On a side note, I sometimes wonder if JJ really even misses or likes her birth mother. Based on our observations, we think that she was cared for and nutured by her older sister and that is where her bond is but not much past that. That makes it even harder to be open to the idea that God's plan may be to reunite her with her birth mother but we will see what he has in store. He can work miracles...this he does!
Blessings to all!
Things have been going good, well let me take that back, they have been going great. I was so worried about how our Raya would react to JJ and how JJ would react leaving her old foster home behind but so far it is better than expected. The girls really care about eachother and I think they truly enjoy eachothers' company or at least having someone there with them at all times to share experiences. We are hoping the the good in each rubs off on the other, for example we hope Raya can influence JJ to be more outgoing/friendly and not so shy. We also hope JJ can influence Raya to be more obedient and to speak better.
So far, and really I should say today, I am "ok" with the idea that we may not keep JJ in all of this and that our job is to give her the best life while she is in our home. I'm sure as the months go by this may change and I will be more attached to her. With Raya it was all so fast and we changed our lives so drastically that we feel like I "had to" attach right away or it wouldn't have worked. I also was a "stay-at-home-mom" with Raya for 6 months. God's master plan is better than we could imagine and I know that what he has instore for JJ is what is best for her. Either we get to adopt another angel or this 6 month time period gets the birth mommy whipped into shape *finally*...to become independent and able to be a functioning and contributing adult in society as opposed to a huge burden...and most importantly to become a good mother.
On a side note, I sometimes wonder if JJ really even misses or likes her birth mother. Based on our observations, we think that she was cared for and nutured by her older sister and that is where her bond is but not much past that. That makes it even harder to be open to the idea that God's plan may be to reunite her with her birth mother but we will see what he has in store. He can work miracles...this he does!
Blessings to all!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Memoir #2 February 11, 2011 "JJ's day...flaws with the system...advocates unite"
Today may be all over the board so I apologize in advance but I wanted to touch on a couple of things which are all relevant but totally unrelated!
First, I have decided to title these posts as memoirs. A memoir is a form of creative nonfiction in which an author recounts experiences from his or her life. I want this to be documented in such a way that my children can look back at these entries and hopefully receive great joy from them as records of our life.
Second, I have been thinking a lot about getting more involved in promoting fostering and adopting in my area. I read an article the other day that gave this statistic -> if one family in every church in the United States would take in one foster child...we would have a shortage in children. Imagine that! Right now there is a shortage for foster/adoptive families for the kids who need a home. I am going to work at finding ways to change this.
Third, I wanted to touch on what I have been hearing all week long..."you are their Advocate", and "you need to advocate on their behalf as stongly as you can"....funny telling a lawyer that but hey, I really never thought about it. Maybe that is one of the reasons God has called me to be a foster-adopt mommy. I have spent hours already trying to work with the falty system to get the services, funding etc. that my girls are entitled to and boy, it is not for the faint of heart. When one fund was denied for our first child Raya, I told the agent I wanted a hearing. He continues to send me requests asking me to "voluntarily withdraw"...absolutely not. I'm sorry sir if this makes you have to work a little harder but no way Jose. He has sent three of them now and refuses to speak with me. I have read the law and my adoption workers, my foster worker in my county, the workers in the county where my girls are from all have told me that Raya is entitled to this. So now what? I will not stop until I get my hearing =) I try not to get discouraged but it can really take a toll and there is only so many hours in a day that I can spend on this outside of work. I will keep you posted.
Last, and really most importantly, tonight I go and pick JJ up to join our family and our home. Today is really JJ's day and I can't describe all the emotions I am feeling but I will try my best.
First, I have decided to title these posts as memoirs. A memoir is a form of creative nonfiction in which an author recounts experiences from his or her life. I want this to be documented in such a way that my children can look back at these entries and hopefully receive great joy from them as records of our life.
Second, I have been thinking a lot about getting more involved in promoting fostering and adopting in my area. I read an article the other day that gave this statistic -> if one family in every church in the United States would take in one foster child...we would have a shortage in children. Imagine that! Right now there is a shortage for foster/adoptive families for the kids who need a home. I am going to work at finding ways to change this.
Third, I wanted to touch on what I have been hearing all week long..."you are their Advocate", and "you need to advocate on their behalf as stongly as you can"....funny telling a lawyer that but hey, I really never thought about it. Maybe that is one of the reasons God has called me to be a foster-adopt mommy. I have spent hours already trying to work with the falty system to get the services, funding etc. that my girls are entitled to and boy, it is not for the faint of heart. When one fund was denied for our first child Raya, I told the agent I wanted a hearing. He continues to send me requests asking me to "voluntarily withdraw"...absolutely not. I'm sorry sir if this makes you have to work a little harder but no way Jose. He has sent three of them now and refuses to speak with me. I have read the law and my adoption workers, my foster worker in my county, the workers in the county where my girls are from all have told me that Raya is entitled to this. So now what? I will not stop until I get my hearing =) I try not to get discouraged but it can really take a toll and there is only so many hours in a day that I can spend on this outside of work. I will keep you posted.
Last, and really most importantly, tonight I go and pick JJ up to join our family and our home. Today is really JJ's day and I can't describe all the emotions I am feeling but I will try my best.
- Joy - I am overjoyed that God is allowing us to spend some time with this beautiful little girl
- Excitement - it will be like having twins...two 3-year-old girls...double the princesses...double the bows...double the hugs and sweet songs =)
- Nerves - I do not know this little person...
- Fear - what if, what if, what if...
- Worry - how will she do, how will we do, will she adjust ok?
- Peace - my only comfort in life is that I belong body and soul to my faithful savior Jesus Christ...in fact, not a hair can fall from my head outside the will of my beloved father!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Memoir #1 - February 8, 2011 "Kate McRae"
Today I stumbled upon this website -> prayforkate.com and I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. This beautiful little 5-year-old girl (and her family's) world was turned up-side-down in an instant, when a massive and agressive cancerous tumor was discovered on the leftside of her brain. Although somewhat "untreatable" because of the location, Kate was doing so well after undergoing chemotherapy, surgery, and other experimental treatments....then CRASH!!! This week, an MRI revealed spots on the otherside of Kate's brain. Why???? I'll just throw it out there....why God we all ask? "I know the plans I have for you!" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and NOT to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 With this comfort we still struggle with trying to understand just what God's plan is and just how he is going to use this pain for his glorly...but he is! Please join me in praying for little Kate and for her family.
Ever since I became a fostermommy, I have contemplated starting a blog or some type of a website where I could share my experiences, both the struggles and the joys, and both give and receive support, guidance, and most of all turn to God and I have put it off frankly. Thank you Kate...today you inspired me to do this and so here it is...fosteradoptmommy.blogspot.com May God bless you today and always!
Ever since I became a fostermommy, I have contemplated starting a blog or some type of a website where I could share my experiences, both the struggles and the joys, and both give and receive support, guidance, and most of all turn to God and I have put it off frankly. Thank you Kate...today you inspired me to do this and so here it is...fosteradoptmommy.blogspot.com May God bless you today and always!
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