Memoir #54 Respite and Those that Inspire us

Last weekend we enjoyed what us foster folks call “respite” which is a time period where the foster children stay with another foster family either for the day or overnight etc.

What does the word respite mean anyway?  What comes to my mind is rest, peacefulness, a break, and thank the Lord!

The dictionary says it means a temporary relief, especially from anything distressing or trying and I say that definition couldn’t be more fitting.

One of the Judges that I work with said this to me the other day, “Rachel, I’m proud of you for taking care of other people’s kids…its hard enough just taking care of your own.”

And that is precisely why respite is such a necessary thing for foster parents.  Your life changes when you bring another person or people into your home and that expansion includes more responsibility, less you time, and a lot more stress. 

Every so often we all could use a little respite in life couldn’t we?  And boy do foster families ever!  Even parenting your own kids drives you nuts sometimes (many times) and that is why “grandparent respite” also comes in handy =)

So over the last 2 and ½ years I have been so blessed to meet some of the most wonderful people on this planet after starting this journey and they are foster parents.  I am NOT referring to myself at all…I mean the ones I have met just seem so unbelievable and legendary.  They are true servants of God on the front lines doing the dirty work that is so freaking hard to do! 

When they speak about their lives and how they’ve somehow managed to incorporate a couple of foster children into them…it just blows my mind.

I had the privilege of meeting a foster mom the other day "L" and just speaking with her nearly had me in tears.  It gives me shivers just thinking about her story and her life and the sacrifice she had made for so many years…Why do this?  How does she do this?  She is AMAZING!!! 

"L" I hope that you know that you are changing the world and that you inspire me...

So back to respite, when I was on my way to bring the boys James says, “I am the most luckiest kid in the world.”  And I ask why?  He says, “because I get to live with other people and visit and stay with other people and play with lots of new kids and nobody else gets to”. 

It’s all about how you look at thing isn’t it?  =)

Isaiah 14:3-5
In that wonderful day when the Lord gives his people rest from trouble and fear, from slavery and chains, you will taunt your enemy.
You will say: how the oppressor has come to an end! How his fury has ended!
For the Lord has crushed your wicked power
and broken your evil rule.

Memoir #53 For Mothers

Each year I take time this day to thank all the mothers out there for the hard work they do at the hardest job on the planet…parenting.  This is a tribute to all mothers and to those who care for us when our mothers can’t.  God Bless!
Thank you to my mom for being the best example of what a mother should be like.

Thank you to moms who sacrifice new clothes and nights out for their children’s needs.

Thank you to foster moms who take care of other peoples’ children like their own.  Who open their homes and their hearts for an unknown period of time…to unknown challenges.

Thank you to adoptive moms who make a temporary relationship permanent and give children the forever homes that they have been longing for.

Thank you to Raya’s mom for giving your daughter a safe and happy life with us.  I can never thank you enough for giving her life.

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^{10 [a]} A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 8:10-31       

God Bless you!

Memoir #52 Baby boy with no name

Memoir #52  Baby boy with no name

This is the true description given to me of the relative of our boys who we are going to meet very soon.  Please pray for this angel…though I am certain he is safely wrapped in the arms of Jesus.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He was only 4 pounds full term…

He came into this world in panic and in pain…

He was screaming, shaking and vomiting for days…

His mom refused to see or hold him.

HIS MOM REFUSED TO SEE OR HOLD HIM.

She wouldn’t even name him for the first 3 weeks.

He is 6 weeks old…nearly 6 pounds now today.

He has tremors…tremors…TREMORS…TREMORS!!!

This baby boy with no name…was born on meth.

I wonder if the angels are weeping for him like we do…

Do they too cry out to God…asking why, why, why Father…how can this be?

No one deserves to start life like this. No one.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

Memoir #51 Sucky guardians and battles with DHS

If you’ve read most of my posts here you may think reading this memoir is déjà vu and the truth is this will be another rant about DHS and this time I’m throwing in the Guardian Ad Litem =)

Sorry to vent, but I think it’s all relevant to the job so I promise I will try to keep it short and sort of sweet…enjoy ;)

Let’s start with good ‘ol DHS.  Well, what do you know, when I began contacting them to add our new foster boys to our case for CDC (child day care) benefits…imagine this…they ignored me.  In fact, even my relentless persistence got me nowhere.  I had to figure out who the supervisor was and then pursue her with no response.  When I was about to contact the director of our county’s branch…I finally got an email response of all things and it wasn’t good news. 

Oh, we sent you paperwork about a month ago she said, that if you didn’t contact us we would close your case.  Funny how I did not get this paperwork.  Ironically, they closed my case on March 19 and we got the boys on March 20.  As you can imagine, closing my case sets us back a couple of light years in DHS time and we have to start the entire painstaking process over…thank you DHS, I have so much extra time on my hands! 

The good news is, we got a new case worker and I’m pretty sure A.W. (our previous case worker) is just as relieved not to have to deal with a crazy foster-mommy lawyer calling him every daily as I am to not have to deal with his lazy bum (sorry it’s true).  I am just hoping that this new case worker cares a little more than A.W. did and will at least return my calls or respond to my letters for goodness sake.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with these benefits, I’ll explain briefly what they are.  What happens when you are a foster parent and you work full time is that you can qualify for CDC benefits for the children.  This will be a percentage of the day care costs (60-90% depending on other factors) that one can get reimbursed.

Qualifying for these benefits is seemingly easy but applying and getting everything set up is for some reason incredibly difficult.  One of the basic problems is that the DHS case workers do not communicate with you at all.  For example, if you filled out one line of the application incorrectly, you would probably receive a full on denial letter 6 weeks later without an explanation.  That is how they roll.  I’ve found that persistence is key and I know that part of my job as a foster parent is advocacy but for once I just wish it was easier. 

I had to battle with DHS last time for our two foster daughters’ benefits for months and months and finally show-up in person fully intending to have my hearing in Lansing.  Miraculously when you have your act together and you show up at their office in a suit, they figure it out for you.  Too bad they were a day late and a dollar short…we did get reimbursed for the benefits that the girls were entitled to but I bet it was 3-4 months later for JJ and 7-8 months later for Raya.  In the meantime, you guessed it, foster parents foot the entire day care bill and it is oh so costly.

So where do we stand today, well, all items have been turned in at this point.  I will follow-up this week and keep you posted.  Progress is gained…

Guardian oh guardian…where art thou guardian?

So again, I know I shouldn’t be surprised by this but I try to think a new situation could be different and hope for all positive things…well, I’m thinking the guardian (aka random attorney who gets cases appointed to him and does the bare minimum) isn’t going to be at all better than the guardian for our girls was…and really I am just bummed out!

I was very excited when I received a letter from this attorney’s firm on letterhead saying please call us to set up an appointment, we want to meet you guys and the boys etc.  Well I have called, right away and I have left very detailed messages and you know what?  I have received no call back.  It has been weeks now.

Then it all started coming back to me when JJ’s guardian had the chance to petition the Judge to re-new the supervised visits when she herself witnessed JJ tell the workers her mom was hurting her and you know she didn’t and she wouldn’t and it was a complete copout…that’s another story but you see why I think this is just crap.

Why does this attorney send this letter out anyway? Oh yeah, he is required by law to see the children in person at least once when he is given their case. Once.  So how can he possibly know what’s in their best interest when he knows nothing about them???

I don’t know about you but when I hear the word guardian I think protector…someone who is going to do their upmost for these children and ensure that their interests are being protected…

Well in my experience these guardian ad litems are nothing close to guardian angels… =(  and it makes me mad!

Why be on this court appointed list then? Why waste taxpayers money when you are nothing but a body to satisfy the law’s requirement that one guardian be appointed for the children?

“The times we find ourselves having to wait on others may be the perfect opportunities to train ourselves to wait on the Lord.” ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

And now to leave you and I with some encouraging words from the word of our Lord.  Paul never even met the Colossian Missionaries but this is how he prayed for them knowing they were doing God’s work.

Colossians 1:11-12

Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works.

We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard.  As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work.

We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.

It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

Blessings!
 

Memoir #50 Firsts

Part of the magic of doing foster care is opening a child’s world up and I can’t begin to describe how choked up I have gotten in the last month over how many “firsts” James has experienced.

For example, we went to a Mexican restaurant for my parents’ 30th wedding anniversary and when we finished eating he asked, where do we take the plates?  Do those guys come and get them?  I thought this was an odd line of questioning and so I asked him, have you ever been to a restaurant before?  No was his answer.  I couldn’t believe it.  He had never been to a restaurant before in his entire 6, almost 7 years of life.  The best part is, he LOVED it.  He talked about it for days and asked us when can we go back to a restaurant again?  He cannot wait! 

For Spring Break week he went to another foster family’s house during the day and they took him bowling one afternoon.  On the ride home he said, “Isn’t it so special how I got to go bowling for the first time ever today?”  I looked back in the rearview mirror at his smiling face and with tears in my eyes I just said “yes…it is really special”.  Then he adds, “And I did awesome too, the lady said so!”

I finally take him to get his hair cut at a local salon.  He tells the lady he has never been to get his haircut at a salon before and again he just enjoyed it thoroughly.  After it was done he asked me, “When my hair grows long again can we go back and get it cut here again?”  I said, “yes sir…that is how it works!”

And then we get home yesterday and my neighbor guy is holding up a shiny red bicycle that he fixed up, put air in the tires and said “well are you going to come over here and get it or what?”  I am just amazed…they went and got him a bike!!!  Incredible!  So when we get home I tell him he can ride it for a minute and I say you will have to go and tell Mr. Craig thank you when you see him.  Next thing I know he tares off into their garage and is knocking on their door saying “thank you, thank you, thank you!”  I meant tomorrow or something haha but he couldn’t wait!

It’s so easy to take things for granted but for James…even the little things are gifts.

God grant me the ability to see through the eyes of children…to have even a glimpse of their world view would be incredible.

Memoir #49 Make me a Servant

No one said it would be easy going from 1 kid to 3…but it truly has been an incredible and not to mention a chaotic experience so far!  I now have a glimpse of what my mom went through raising three kids and there truly is never a dull moment.  Somebody always needs you which 99% of the time is a wonderful feeling but 1% of the time you pretty much want to fly the coop ha!

A number of people have asked me…”How do you do it?”  My answer thus far has been…”I don’t know, you just do”…but now I realize that is a really poor answer after all isn’t it?  My new answer is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”…because that is truly how we are doing it.  I’ve learned that Christ will always enable you to do more than you think you are capable of and this is one of those situations.

Well, today makes it three weeks since the boys moved in and we are really getting into the groove of things and finally settling into a routine.  These editions to our family cause me to get up about 20 minutes earlier and I’ve added watching for the school bus to my morning routine…but other than that, it really isn’t too bad.  Well then there’s bathing 3 kids.  Why is that such a hassle?  And the homework that they give 1st graders is craziness…I cannot believe it.

So tonight my daughter Raya wanted another pillow from her shelf to put behind her as she watched a movie and asked me “why can’t you just go and get it?”  I wanted to say because I am not your servant Missy that is why.  I did tell her you have two legs, you can get it for yourself.

Then, not even 5 minutes later, when he was working on his homework, James needed a dice (die) which was downstairs and he says “can’t Rachel get it, she’s only folding clothes”…pff only well I will have you know that folding clothes happens to be one of the worst household chores Mister, because it is never ever ending and someday you will find this out!

And the moral of the story is that when you are a mommy, you really are a servant for your kids.  I think it’s kind of a built in part of the job description that they don’t tell you in Lamas classes! 

Taking care of others needs before your own…it is a tough and sometimes it gets old doesn’t it?  The good thing is that it really teaches you to have a servant’s heart which is what God wants from us anyway.  The topic of service made me think about this verse that I heard at church the other day.  It really hit home with me and I love The Message’s version.

Now for your reading pleasure from our God almighty, Romans 14:17-18:

God’s kingdom isn’t a matter of petty things, for goodness’ sake.  It’s what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy. 

Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ.  Do that and you’ll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.

God’s kingdom is serving Christ.

Blessings for the week!

Memoir #48 Beauty from Ashes

I was dreading the third weekend in March because that was when my daughter Faith would have been born if she had survived.  My husband was out of town and on that Thursday, I was sitting at my desk at work nearly in tears just thinking about everything that had happened over these last few months.

Then…the call came in.  I had just said to my husband a week earlier…man, we haven’t gotten a single call from the agency about foster children or adoptive children…but then it happened.

Immediately I was pulled out of my sorrow and overwhelmed with joy.  The perfect duo of boys for our family and they needed us ASAP.  Now if you’ve ever considered being a foster or foster-adopt parent…these calls come in at the most inopportune times and they need an answer fairly quickly on whether or not you want to take the placement.

As I am contemplating with the little bit of information we had…I look down at the clock and realize that it’s like 6am in Colorado where my husband is and I probably can’t call him up just yet.  Luckily the worker was ok with giving me a little more time and the rest is history, or definitely another few memoirs of course =)

I just wanted to update everyone who follows this blog to let them know that the following Tuesday evening we welcomed a 6 year old and a 15 month old into our home which I will refer to here as James and Ace. 

The Lord really works to make beauty from ashes.

To be continued…

Isaiah 61:1-2 paraphrased

The Year of the LORD’s Favor
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has called me
to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,  and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to make beauty of ashes,
gladness, instead of mourning,
praise, instead of despair.