Memoir #37 Updates on the girls

Sorry I have been MIA for a while there...we just threw a 300 person wedding and went on a much needed vacation so needless to say, I have been more than busy!

I hope to begin blogging again on a regular basis now that the craziness of wedding planning is over so keep an eye out for new posts =D

Here is the current update about my girls.  Raya is now 3 years and 4 months old.  She is doing wonderful and really only has had minor disciplinary problems as of recent.  She is pretty well adjusted to not having JJ around although she is always asking for a baby brother or sister to help with...we will see about that =)  Last week she was visited by her bio-mom-grandma who is the one person from her "past life" we allow her to see.  The funny (and annoying) part is that she visited not once, not twice, but three times!  At a certain point she had to be told no more.  She has a hard time understanding boundaries in any setting and especially here.  She wasn't invited three days in a row to see Raya, yet she just showed up because she wanted to.  This will probably always be a tough area for us and I think it is for all who adopt domesically/from foster care.

Is it a good thing to allow the bio-family to visit the child?  How much is the right amount?  Who should be able to?  How often?  Will the child be better off having this connection or worse off?

Sometimes every bone in my body tells me to be selfish and "cut-off" this connection because it is nerve-racking, it is a big pain to facilitate, and I don't know for sure how it will affect Raya in the long run.  But then, I remember and I know from people who have been adopted like this, that in the long run, this is the best thing.  In fact, the probablity that Raya turns into a wonderful adjusted and confident teenager is directly related to whether or not this connection continues.  Wow...I am going to keep it up for her and suck it up for her.  Boy oh boy, it frustrates me to no end though ha!

Now onto JJ.  I just spoke with her current foster parent yesterday and she is doing good.  She is definitely the same JJ we knew before.  You know what she told me though...she talks about us daily.

Daily! For some reason that breaks my heart...doesn't it break yours?  I just want to go and get her =D

I know I can't but it makes me want to.  She has been doing all day Saturday visits but that is all still.  It is highly unlikely she can be returned in 3-4 weeks unless the frequency and time she does visit increases.  The foster mom has been pushing for this and the worker just sort of sits on her hands and doesn't move.  Also, bio-mom seems to be quite infatuated with her boyfriend.  Yes, they are still together (unbelieveable still). 

The thing about JJ's bio-mom and Raya's bio-mom that is the same is this --> even when granted opportunities to see their children more often or talk to them on the phone or send a card, they choose not to.  JJ's bio-mom is allowed to come and see JJ during the week and call her on the phone and she literally does the bare minimum and says "see you next week".  She doesn't want to parent...she wants to live her life.  How do I know this for sure?  Well her older daughter is living with the grandma and longs to see her and spend time with her and she just refuses.  Also, JJ is now living only a few miles away and she still doesn't make any effort.  Come on bio-mom!!!

Anyway, I will keep you posted.  We are going to see JJ in a couple weeks so the girls can play and we can catch up.  I love JJ's new foster-mom.  She is wise and loving and she is zealous like we are about crappy bio-parents, getting kids what they deserve, and fixing this forsaken system!!!  I just love her.  I actually love the network of foster parents that I have met.  They are the most special people on the planet.  Hmm...Bachman for president??? LOL  She was a fostermom for many years.

Isaiah 54:13
All your children will be taught by the LORD, and great will be their peace.

Blessings for the rest of your week!

Memoir #36 "Band-aids for Foster Parents"

Letting go and Letting God...

So we moved our dear JJ to her reunifying home where the reunification with her bio-mom will be fostered.  We fostered her physical and emotional well-being, her heart and her soul but we just cannot foster the reunification being over an hour away. 

That being said, the home she is in is the first foster home she ever was in.  Everything has come full circle and this woman is amazing and loves her dearly.  She still had pictures up of JJ all around her house.  She still had little bracelets of hers hanging from nightstand drawer handles where JJ had placed them.  We feel so good about it. She would love to adopt JJ if the reunification doesn’t work out and we believe that would be awesome for JJ and we would maintain contact with her there forever!

One thing I have learned is that I know I am “good” at fostering because I am “good” at parting ways.  I think this is God putting a special band-aid on my heart to be able to do this.  I actually feel guilty that anyone I love has to mourn her loss but for me I am ok with loving a child like she was my own and letting that child go.  Somehow I see that that was my role in this case.  She needed a protector, she needed an advocate, she needed a mommy and a daddy and she needed Jesus.  Not to mention some princess shows for her memory bank and some beautiful dresses for her closet ;)

Proverbs 22:6 says Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

She was loved by a host of people and she got to experience what a functioning family is like.  She learned 20+ new songs, some Spanish, how to make eye contact and the list goes on.

Her time with us was invaluable and it got her into the original home she was in which may be her forever home if the reunification fails which would be such a blessing!!!

Sometimes I feel an itch to have another child around but then I relish in the peacefulness that is having just one for a change.  We need a restful time to refresh ourselves and prepare for the next child…whoever and whenever that might be =D

I like being a foster parent …it is a noble calling, one that will change your core. It is not for wimps.  It takes an incredible and sacrificial person to do this job. Some say parenting is the toughest and most important job on this earth and I agree with that statement.  But I would take it up a notch and say foster parenting is.

By taking someone else’s child into your home and into your heart as if that child is your own and you give your all for that child in hopes that it makes a difference, all the while knowing that you will probably not be able to keep that child.  Then you are strong and courageous!

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Memoir #31 "Answer to prayer"

We may have a fabulous answer to our prayers which requires a little more prayer for the next two days =D

Our DD JJ was first placed in a home with a single older woman and her adult daughter.  This is a great lady and she would love to have JJ back again.  She currently has another 8 month old girl there too.  This would be amazing.  JJ lived there for 5 months before and would be going back to the same place, the same room, and the same day care!!!  Talk about a relief!  I know this woman personally and she would also facilitate visits with us and JJ which would be so good.

Please pray that this works out!!! We will know Friday =D

Memoir #35 "Valueless Humans"

We found out that JJ’s bio-mom has a new boyfriend and its official.  This could be good for her.  The downside is that he is a gang member.  Yes, he is actually a current gang member of a well-known and impactful gang.  What is there to say?  It just left me speechless.  I of course let the case worker know and I premised it with “…I know you can’t do anything but I think you should know…”  What is bio-mom thinking???  I can’t imagine.  Knowing this got me thinking about some things.

One thing I have learned on this journey is that here in the USA, we value adults more than we value kids.  As time has gone on, children have been pushed lower and lower in the caste system until they have become 2nd class United States citizens.

Don’t believe me? Here are a few examples where an adult’s right/value trumps that of a child only because he or she is an adult and the other person is a child.

The right not to have a child – Starting from conception, a child is trumped by his mother even into the last trimester when he is viable and can live outside the womb on his own.  His right to live and take a breath of oxygen is trumped by her right to “not have a child” and a right to “do what she wants with her body”.

The right to have a child – Even when a person is completely unfit to parent and even when the person used drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes when pregnant causing permanent damage to the child, and even when the person is “weaning themselves” off of drugs and does not have a job, pay her bills, or have transportation or any means beyond WIC, Food Stamps and government assistance…  That person has a right to parent her child because “biologically it is her child”.

The right not to have a child – When a person has a failed abortion or certain failed birth control and that person delivers a perfect and healthy child; she can sue the doctor for wrongful pregnancy.  The parents actually argue that they have been damaged by having to give birth and having to raise a child they did not want!

The right not to have a imperfect child – When a person has a birth that “goes wrong” and damage occurs to the child or when the child has birth defects that could have been known before the time of birth…that person can sue the doctor for wrongful birth saying you should have warned us and if you would have we would have ended the pregnancy…now we don’t want this child!

The right to damages for loss of life – When a person loses a loved one because of the negligence/intentional acts of another and he sues for damages…in valuing the amount, a lost child is almost considered valueless!  The child can’t work, he hasn’t been around that long, and he can’t do that much around the house so his value is almost nothing.  The loss of an adult in the exact same manner results in a high value of damages.

Doesn't this "urk" you a bit?  This goes against the word of God. It is NOT supposed to be this way.

Mark 9:37
“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

Matthew 18:3
And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

We need to start valuing our children the way God values them.  How does God value them?  They are the most precious ones in his kingdom.

Blessings for the weekend!!!