Sorry I have been MIA for a while there...we just threw a 300 person wedding and went on a much needed vacation so needless to say, I have been more than busy!
I hope to begin blogging again on a regular basis now that the craziness of wedding planning is over so keep an eye out for new posts =D
Here is the current update about my girls. Raya is now 3 years and 4 months old. She is doing wonderful and really only has had minor disciplinary problems as of recent. She is pretty well adjusted to not having JJ around although she is always asking for a baby brother or sister to help with...we will see about that =) Last week she was visited by her bio-mom-grandma who is the one person from her "past life" we allow her to see. The funny (and annoying) part is that she visited not once, not twice, but three times! At a certain point she had to be told no more. She has a hard time understanding boundaries in any setting and especially here. She wasn't invited three days in a row to see Raya, yet she just showed up because she wanted to. This will probably always be a tough area for us and I think it is for all who adopt domesically/from foster care.
Is it a good thing to allow the bio-family to visit the child? How much is the right amount? Who should be able to? How often? Will the child be better off having this connection or worse off?
Sometimes every bone in my body tells me to be selfish and "cut-off" this connection because it is nerve-racking, it is a big pain to facilitate, and I don't know for sure how it will affect Raya in the long run. But then, I remember and I know from people who have been adopted like this, that in the long run, this is the best thing. In fact, the probablity that Raya turns into a wonderful adjusted and confident teenager is directly related to whether or not this connection continues. Wow...I am going to keep it up for her and suck it up for her. Boy oh boy, it frustrates me to no end though ha!
Now onto JJ. I just spoke with her current foster parent yesterday and she is doing good. She is definitely the same JJ we knew before. You know what she told me though...she talks about us daily.
Daily! For some reason that breaks my heart...doesn't it break yours? I just want to go and get her =D
I know I can't but it makes me want to. She has been doing all day Saturday visits but that is all still. It is highly unlikely she can be returned in 3-4 weeks unless the frequency and time she does visit increases. The foster mom has been pushing for this and the worker just sort of sits on her hands and doesn't move. Also, bio-mom seems to be quite infatuated with her boyfriend. Yes, they are still together (unbelieveable still).
The thing about JJ's bio-mom and Raya's bio-mom that is the same is this --> even when granted opportunities to see their children more often or talk to them on the phone or send a card, they choose not to. JJ's bio-mom is allowed to come and see JJ during the week and call her on the phone and she literally does the bare minimum and says "see you next week". She doesn't want to parent...she wants to live her life. How do I know this for sure? Well her older daughter is living with the grandma and longs to see her and spend time with her and she just refuses. Also, JJ is now living only a few miles away and she still doesn't make any effort. Come on bio-mom!!!
Anyway, I will keep you posted. We are going to see JJ in a couple weeks so the girls can play and we can catch up. I love JJ's new foster-mom. She is wise and loving and she is zealous like we are about crappy bio-parents, getting kids what they deserve, and fixing this forsaken system!!! I just love her. I actually love the network of foster parents that I have met. They are the most special people on the planet. Hmm...Bachman for president??? LOL She was a fostermom for many years.
Isaiah 54:13
All your children will be taught by the LORD, and great will be their peace.
Blessings for the rest of your week!
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