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This blog is a collection of memoirs of one mom's journey through the foster care system into adoption and beyond.

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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Memoir #57 Losers

So often in life I feel like we are supposed to “take sides”. For example, politically most people choose one party to affiliate with.  And over moral issues we all find ourselves on one side of the fence or the other.

In my job as a prosecutor…I guess I am sided with “the good guys” (the police) in enforcing the laws of this state but I really don’t feel like it’s me against the person charged.  I dislike calling a guilty verdict “a win” because it’s not really me winning or losing a trial….it’s a guilty verdict or not guilty based on the evidence.  I just do my best to present it.  I truly work hard to be an ally for people who have broken the law because of an underlying addiction or something and find them help.
When it comes to foster care and foster-adoption…I find it much harder not to take sides with the kids and push bio-parents to the other side of the equation.  After all, aren’t we all thinking, bio-mom…how could you do what you’ve done?  How could let your selfish desires overtake your love for your children and their wellbeing?

It’s so easy to judge them and really well-up anger toward them for the abuse and neglect they have allowed, permanently scarring and damaging their children.  It’s easy to feel angry about our tax payer dollars being “wasted” on programs for these people when they can use them for upwards of two years with no change, all the while, the kids are still in the system. 
What makes me the most angry though is when I am the one tucking a little kid into bed at night and he tells me of the despair he feels in his 6 year old way…boy, I can’t help but want to scream at bio-mom and shake her!  What is it going to take to get your life in order?  You’ve hit bottom already…pull yourself together for your children!

When we see people as losers, we treat them with contempt.  When we see people as lost, we treat them with compassion. 

But God doesn’t want us to take sides.  Even though it takes everything in our power to hold back the judgment and scorn…he wants us to be like his son and show unconditional love to all people.  Easier said than done right.

The Lord said, “I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”  Then they asked him, “but Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or needing clothes or sick or in prison and do these things?”  He replied, “Whatever you did for the least of my people, you did for me”.
This verse always stops me in my tracks…What we do for others we literally do for our God.  What a thought!

When we actually met James and Ace’s mom…you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her…even knowing what she had done to them and their newborn brother.  She was a mess from top to bottom.  We actually left and called our worker asking if there was clothing and other necessities that she needed which we could provide. 
Somehow on this journey I’ve been able to find a soft spot inside me for these kids parents…though losers by all standards except for in the eyes of God.  With his help, I pray that I can treat them with compassion because they are his beloved children just like we are.

Have a blessed week!
~Rachel

*Quote by Bob Horner

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