Memoir #59 Why I foster

So we have been providing respite care for our foster boys every so often when the family they live with needs a break and this past weekend was the first time we had them back in our home since our baby was born.  It was also the first time that we have had 4 kids in the house….7, 5, 2 and 4 months.  Wow that was crazy!

I concede it was so difficult to get 4 little ones bathed and loaded into the car but it was so worth it because the laughter soared to the rafters of the house this past weekend.

Really none of us wanted it to end… it was incredible.

Why foster?

I remember why we do this when my 5 year old puts her prized possessions – a pillow pet and a build-bear she sleeps with - on each boys’ pillows before they arrive,  showing such love. What a lesson she is learning. 

And I remember why we do this when the second they get to our house, the 2 year old runs into my arms and nuzzles his head into mine and proudly proclaims Mommy!

And I remember why we do this when the 7 year old sits and tells me about Jesus’ love for us when he died on the cross after church on Sunday.
Then I remember why I foster.

"All I know is that I am not home yet, this is not where I belong...take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong..." Building 429

 

Memoir #58 You Matter

This is what my pastor preached on yesterday and it just struck me.

When Abel was killed by his brother Cain…this is what the Lord had to say (Genesis 4:10):

The voice of your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground…not just for his life but for all of his descendents who will never be born.  His blood cried out for justice.  Jesus’ blood cried out “forgive them!”

What does this mean for us?  Simply this…that you and I matter to God. 

Every single person who walks this planet…every single person in his mother’s womb…every single person who never gets to be…matters to God.

Let’s all remember to show love and mercy to whomever we meet today because that person matters.

I hope you know how much you matter to those who love you and need you in their lives and to God Almighty.

Check out this link below if you have a second -->

Depraved Indifference

And for a little inspiration -->

Machine Gun Preacher

 

God bless!

~Rachel

 

Memoir #57 Losers

So often in life I feel like we are supposed to “take sides”. For example, politically most people choose one party to affiliate with.  And over moral issues we all find ourselves on one side of the fence or the other.

In my job as a prosecutor…I guess I am sided with “the good guys” (the police) in enforcing the laws of this state but I really don’t feel like it’s me against the person charged.  I dislike calling a guilty verdict “a win” because it’s not really me winning or losing a trial….it’s a guilty verdict or not guilty based on the evidence.  I just do my best to present it.  I truly work hard to be an ally for people who have broken the law because of an underlying addiction or something and find them help.

When it comes to foster care and foster-adoption…I find it much harder not to take sides with the kids and push bio-parents to the other side of the equation.  After all, aren’t we all thinking, bio-mom…how could you do what you’ve done?  How could let your selfish desires overtake your love for your children and their wellbeing?

It’s so easy to judge them and really well-up anger toward them for the abuse and neglect they have allowed, permanently scarring and damaging their children.  It’s easy to feel angry about our tax payer dollars being “wasted” on programs for these people when they can use them for upwards of two years with no change, all the while, the kids are still in the system. 

What makes me the most angry though is when I am the one tucking a little kid into bed at night and he tells me of the despair he feels in his 6 year old way…boy, I can’t help but want to scream at bio-mom and shake her!  What is it going to take to get your life in order?  You’ve hit bottom already…pull yourself together for your children!

When we see people as losers, we treat them with contempt.  When we see people as lost, we treat them with compassion. 

But God doesn’t want us to take sides.  Even though it takes everything in our power to hold back the judgment and scorn…he wants us to be like his son and show unconditional love to all people.  Easier said than done right.

The Lord said, “I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”  Then they asked him, “but Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or needing clothes or sick or in prison and do these things?”  He replied, “Whatever you did for the least of my people, you did for me”.

This verse always stops me in my tracks…What we do for others we literally do for our God.  What a thought!

When we actually met James and Ace’s mom…you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her…even knowing what she had done to them and their newborn brother.  She was a mess from top to bottom.  We actually left and called our worker asking if there was clothing and other necessities that she needed which we could provide. 

Somehow on this journey I’ve been able to find a soft spot inside me for these kids parents…though losers by all standards except for in the eyes of God.  With his help, I pray that I can treat them with compassion because they are his beloved children just like we are.

Have a blessed week!

~Rachel

*Quote by Bob Horner

Memoir #56 Peace of mind and heart

According to the National Stillbirth Society, a stillbirth is a fetal death that occurs at 20 weeks or beyond.  1 in 160 pregnancies will end in stillbirth.  How long can the myth go on that once you hit the 12 week mark you’re in the clear?  The unfortunate truth is, no pregnancy is completely secure and I would attribute this to the miracle that creating new life truly is.

1/3 of all stillbirths are unexplained.  The babies seem perfectly healthy, the placenta, the mother etc.

 2/3rds, however, do come with some answers as to what happened although there is still very little comfort when the cause comes after the fact.  For example, many stillbirths occur because of “cord accidents” where either the umbilical cord wrapped around the baby’s neck and cut off the baby’s nutrient supply or the cord develops a blood clot and the same thing happens. 

The research in this area of obstetrics medicine is slim to none.   More babies die from stillbirth than S.I.D.S. yet the research that is done in that area far outweighs any research being done for stillbirth.  This needs to change but what we do know already is important and maybe a little advocacy will go a long way to help prevent stillbirth. The good news is, there are ways to watch for causes like cord accidents and possibly prevent a stillbirth. 

Please spread the word.  I have been involved with two large and renowned obstetrics offices and neither of them give any of this information to pregnant women and their families.  The only pamphlets that they carry regarding stillbirth are grieving information once it’s already too late to act.  This is typical practice and it needs to change so that every woman has a chance to do something if she is presented with an early demise of her baby.

A daily “kick count” starting at 26-28 weeks of pregnancy or before if the woman can feel this pattern is important.  The woman should take time each day to record her baby’s movements.  Once she can familiarize herself with what is normal for her baby, then she is more likely to notice when something does not feel right.  Many women, who have experienced stillbirth, report that right beforehand they noticed either heightened movement (could be sign of a struggle) or lessened or no movement. 

Another symptom to keep one’s eyes open for are hiccups.  Many women report that their baby had very noticeable hiccups before its demise.

Another common cause is infection that ends up in the placenta.  The woman does not know she has this until her placenta is examined after the stillbirth.  It’s hard to tell if this is happening but any potential infection such as a urinary tract infection or vaginal infection  or any other type of suspected infection in the body should be checked out immediately by the OB.  If an infection continues too long without being treated it can move into what is typically a very secure environment where the baby is.  Normally this shouldn’t happen and I actually had a nurse practitioner tell me recently that the above won’t happen.  Well guess what, it happens.  How do I know this?  That is most likely what happened to my pregnancy.  The placenta did have an infection…well how?  I have no idea because I was being heavily monitored by OB’s but no one checked me for any.  I should have been more in tune with my body and requested this but unfortunately I didn’t know. 

If you have a microscopic hole in your amniotic sack it is actually very easy for any bacteria to get to the placenta.  Most of the time there is no way of knowing that there is a hole and in my case the doctors checked me for leaking amniotic fluid (even a trace) and could not find any.  Well, a few days later the ultrasound showed it was certainly decreasing.  The doctor said that if people have microscopic holes they either heal themselves or they get worse.  Well we see what happened in my case.

Mistakes happen and the awareness is so low in this area that often a combination of things will cause a stillbirth so I just want to put them out there for people to be aware.

The good news is, God promises us that if we put our trust in him, he will give us peace of mind.  He said, “I am leaving you a gift – peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a peace that the world cannot give.  So don’t be troubled and afraid.”  John 14:27

Memoir #55 Rainbow

Fortunately, I had no clue what an “Angel Baby” was until November of last year…because I had no experience with losing a child.  I soon realized that I had involuntarily joined the group of those who are mothers of Angel Babies, which I will now be a part of for the rest of my life.

In meeting more and more Angel Mommies, I soon came to learn another term used to describe the next child who follows the Angel, and that these children are called “Rainbow Babies”.  

The concept of "Rainbow Babies" is beautiful.  It is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope

We are nervous and excited to announce that we are expecting our Rainbow.  Thanks be to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

 And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Genesis 9:12-13

This concept of Rainbows can be applied to almost anyone’s situation, because we all have and will continue to face storms in this life.  Some of them will be so powerful that we may question if we will even make it through. 

It’s important to remember that when you are in the boat and the storm is forming all around you… you do not need to be the captain or one of the most important guests on the boat…you may be the prisoner in the bottom chambers, pretty much helpless to do anything…

But God listens to you… and he calms the storm by your FAITH. 

Your faith gets the boat through the storm…not the captain nor anyone or anything else.  And most importantly, keep your eyes peeled for your rainbow on the horizon…

May God grant you a rainbow after the storm.

Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.  Psalm 107:28-31

Memoir #54 Respite and Those that Inspire us

Last weekend we enjoyed what us foster folks call “respite” which is a time period where the foster children stay with another foster family either for the day or overnight etc.

What does the word respite mean anyway?  What comes to my mind is rest, peacefulness, a break, and thank the Lord!

The dictionary says it means a temporary relief, especially from anything distressing or trying and I say that definition couldn’t be more fitting.

One of the Judges that I work with said this to me the other day, “Rachel, I’m proud of you for taking care of other people’s kids…its hard enough just taking care of your own.”

And that is precisely why respite is such a necessary thing for foster parents.  Your life changes when you bring another person or people into your home and that expansion includes more responsibility, less you time, and a lot more stress. 

Every so often we all could use a little respite in life couldn’t we?  And boy do foster families ever!  Even parenting your own kids drives you nuts sometimes (many times) and that is why “grandparent respite” also comes in handy =)

So over the last 2 and ½ years I have been so blessed to meet some of the most wonderful people on this planet after starting this journey and they are foster parents.  I am NOT referring to myself at all…I mean the ones I have met just seem so unbelievable and legendary.  They are true servants of God on the front lines doing the dirty work that is so freaking hard to do! 

When they speak about their lives and how they’ve somehow managed to incorporate a couple of foster children into them…it just blows my mind.

I had the privilege of meeting a foster mom the other day "L" and just speaking with her nearly had me in tears.  It gives me shivers just thinking about her story and her life and the sacrifice she had made for so many years…Why do this?  How does she do this?  She is AMAZING!!! 

"L" I hope that you know that you are changing the world and that you inspire me...

So back to respite, when I was on my way to bring the boys James says, “I am the most luckiest kid in the world.”  And I ask why?  He says, “because I get to live with other people and visit and stay with other people and play with lots of new kids and nobody else gets to”. 

It’s all about how you look at thing isn’t it?  =)

Isaiah 14:3-5
In that wonderful day when the Lord gives his people rest from trouble and fear, from slavery and chains, you will taunt your enemy.
You will say: how the oppressor has come to an end! How his fury has ended!
For the Lord has crushed your wicked power
and broken your evil rule.

Memoir #53 For Mothers

Each year I take time this day to thank all the mothers out there for the hard work they do at the hardest job on the planet…parenting.  This is a tribute to all mothers and to those who care for us when our mothers can’t.  God Bless!
Thank you to my mom for being the best example of what a mother should be like.

Thank you to moms who sacrifice new clothes and nights out for their children’s needs.

Thank you to foster moms who take care of other peoples’ children like their own.  Who open their homes and their hearts for an unknown period of time…to unknown challenges.

Thank you to adoptive moms who make a temporary relationship permanent and give children the forever homes that they have been longing for.

Thank you to Raya’s mom for giving your daughter a safe and happy life with us.  I can never thank you enough for giving her life.

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^{10 [a]} A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 8:10-31       

God Bless you!